I could have pushed him back in his mother
Being a brassic, freshly-separated and about to be vigorously divorced single dad, I didn't have a lot of money. A swinging great chunk of what I did have went to the ex.

And so I shopped at Asda, reduced to buying the pwned label stuff.

I usually did my shopping with Demigod, bright and early on a Saturday morning, just to start of a Daddy and Sprog day properly. We'd whizz round Asda in the trolley, I'd spin it around sometimes so he could giggle, we'd throw stuff in the trolley, and - oh, you know. He'd have been around two and a half at this point.

One fine day, however, the usual plan went well norks northward. At the till, the trolley seemed somewhat fuller than usual, and just before I began unloading (ooer), I said to Demigod that I hoped we'd have enough money for the shopping.

"Oh," he said, "don't we have any money?" I said that we should have enough to pay for the shopping.

"Well," he shouted, "that's because you don't give my mommy enough money!"

Oh ghod. Not now, please. I think of this time as "the time I found out that a small child can actually make themselves heard across one end of a small town".

I protested feebly that I did. "No! You! Don't!" he screamed. "My mommy can't pay for her shopping and it's YOUR FAULT!"

At this point I rather uncharitably thought that she could raise some extra with a paternity suit against Brian Blessed.

He got louder and louder, angrily claiming that I was deliberately not giving his mommy enough money. I tried to shush him, but he was having none of it.

By the time I'd gone through the till, to hysterical laughter from some people and poisonous glaring from the rest, I was just hoping that it was actually possible to die of embarrassment. Really.

I wheeled him off to the car, still bellowing furiously. Who knew that car parks echoed so much?

By the time I got him in his seat belt, he was almost literally frothing at the mouth.

He fell asleep just as I began contemplating which blood vessel to open up.

Argh.
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 20:22, 4 replies)

brilliant...
...it conjures a very vivid picture
(jennymnemonic, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 20:34, closed)

Sounds like
mummy needs to stop blaming you for things in front of Demigod, otherwise she'll get burned in the long run when maturity and understanding hit him.

Sympathy clickies... nothing can embarress like a small child screaming.

They really should have an 'I feel your pain' button for this one: I've been reading this all day through my fingers.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 20:39, closed)

^ exactly what MrOli said
*clicks*
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Sat 29 Nov 2008, 1:36, closed)

Oh dear.
You poor bastard. You can't win.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Sat 29 Nov 2008, 2:05, closed)