Always check to whom you are referring first
A few years ago, when I was still an active diver and not one who opens the shed every now and again to admire my rubber suit, the club helped out in the local town clean up.

The clean up happens every year in advance of the Northumberland in Bloom contest. A bunch of well-meaners, including the local boy scouts, go around the town removing litter and stuff, whilst a few volunteers from the dive club drag stuff off the river bed, helped by some shore cover to collect the old motorbikes, traffic cones, knives, guns (yes, really), and discarded porn DVDs.

I was in with Phil, whilst Tourette's helped out on shore. We had our dog with us, who was assisting in the proceedings by getting under everyone's feet. Another woman with a dog hoved into view and began to engage Tourette's in conversation.

After about an hour, when we'd hauled as much off the river bed as we could before our air ran out, Phil, myself and the rest of the divers, dekitted in the car park, got dressed and went for a much deserved pint at the pub down the road. Woman with dog had by now disappeared.

So we're sat there, enjoying a pint of foamy ale, and having bit craic, when Tourette's pipes up something to the effect of "I've really enjoyed myself this morning. Mind, I couldn't get rid of that woman with the dog. Christ she talked now't but shite. Who was that fuckwit anyway"?

To which Phil replied, "That was my wife".

Even if I'd known who she was at the time I couldn't have done anything to stop her from blurting that sentence out. Talk first, think later - that's my girl.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 30 Nov 2008, 14:45, 2 replies)

brilliant
this FTW!

BTW you have a shed with a rubber suit in it?

make a lot of sense now
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sun 30 Nov 2008, 18:15, closed)

Yeah...
I'm a disappointed super-hero, what more can i say?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 30 Nov 2008, 21:03, closed)