Okay, not too much detail....
If you're easily offended, don't read any further.
(Why I put that on b3ta I don't know...)
In the past I've mentioned my first long term relationship, 10 yrs in total, first 8 yrs okay, last couple of years just about avoiding killing each other. (Although knowing the bitch she is I suspect I'd have died first.)
(In our 7th year together we went on our second foreign holiday together, to Ibiza, and bought a second hand video camera for about £300 to record it. (This was about 1994, and the camera was the size of a shoebox.)
(The holiday bit isn't really relevant, just an explanation of why we had the camera.)
Anyway, yes we had played a little bit with the camera, recording our adult fun occassionally (including the time I fell asleep twice whilst lapping at the furry fountain.)
(My excuse, no sleep for 48 hours due to very early morning flight back from holiday.)
But, I'm not telling you this for my own cringe... Oh no, this is Tonys cringe...!!!

A MAJOR REASON WE SPLIT slowly UP:
We'd been together 8 yrs, and apart from a couple of false alarms in the first couple of years there'd never been any indication of impending parenthood, so we went to see the doc.
She (Julie) went to be scanned, prodded and poked, and came home to tell me they said she was fine.
I went to provide a sample and (another story I'll tell another time) got told my little fella's were bone idle lazy gits who didn't like swimming.
This peed her off.
Cutting a long story short, she ended up screwing a bloke she worked with who had a history of fathering kids (and then leaving them) and after 6 months of him not providing anything of use (and apparently being crap in bed) she took up with Tony, married and 2 kids at home.
Whilst all this is going on, I'll getting full details and I'll be honest it was a turn on (and if anything could turn me on for her it was a blessing.)
Anyway, she announces that as my birthday treat I could film them. (I seem to remember that I actually asked for the new Stephen King book, but never mind...)
Comes the day, camera on, and they start off dressed but within about 10 minutes its time to hide the bratwurst.

30 seconds.

He lasted 30 seconds.

She wondered why he's pulled out, I'm pissing myself laughing ("Oh God paof2, he's so good, can do it for ages"), and he is suitably embarrassed and suddenly remembers a school meting he must attend.

He claimed it was the pressure of me being there and the camera, but I didnt care anymore.
We split up very shortly after that.

They did stay together a while longer, then she moved back to her parents 200 miles away so the visits were infrequent (Is that one word or two?) and then she met a woman and became a lesbian for a few years

Oh, and my lazy sperm?
Within a month of leaving Julie I fathered a beautiful pair of twin girls.
That'll be me gloating instead of cringing then.
(paof2 Nude might not be rude, but rude could be nude..., Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:54, 6 replies)

maybe first to post this
yet she didn't let you film the lesbian sessions?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 11:01, closed)

No, I was 200 miles away...
with, or very close to, the mother of (and) my kids, and had absolutely no desire to even speak to her.
In fact since that time I have managed to cut her out of my life totally, even to the extent of not letting her be a friend on facebook.
You see, after the lesbian relationship broke down (during which it was "oh paof2, this is so wonderful, I don't know what I ever saw in men, they do nothing for me") she immediatly tried to latch back onto me, despite the fact that I was now with the woman who I'm married to.
I had god knows how many phone calls a day where she would let it do the smallest ring and then hang up, on the assumption I'd ring her, and text messages that would be random numbers and letters because, despite telling her I had a basic phone that just sent and received text, she would be trying to send pictures.
It got to the stage where my wife and I were going to visit friends, and were about 5 minutes from Cambridge on the train waiting for the friends to call to let us know they'd arrived, and the phone rang. I answered it straight away (it actually vibrates for a moment before ringing) and she was shocked I'd caught her.
"Sorry Julie, got to go waiting for another call."
"Dont you want to talk then?"
"No, I'm busy, call you later"
and hung up
Phone rings
"Are you ignoring me?"
Hang up
Phone rings
"Don't you want to talk to me?"
"No."
Hangs up
By now the entire carriage has gone silent waiting for the next episode.
Phone rings.
"Why don't you want to..."
"Just fuck off, will you?"
Small cheer from group of chavs at end of carriage
Hangs up, turns phone off, took chance friends would be there. (They were.)
That evening I rebooted.
46 missed calls from her.

I sent her a text.
"If you ever contact me again I'll contact your phone provider telling them you're harrassing me."
Immediate response
"I get about 50 anonymous calls a day, I think they're from you"
"Please yourself, you see my phone keeps a record of who calls, and how long for! Shall I contact o2 now?"

Silence reigned.
Until a few weeks ago, I'm still friends with her cousin, and Julie saw I was one of her facebook friends, so asked me if she could be mine too.

Aren't ignore buttons great?
(paof2 Nude might not be rude, but rude could be nude..., Tue 2 Dec 2008, 11:26, closed)

err
Am I the only person to think that filming your ex going at it with another guy as a present is really fucking weird?!
(i should have joined myspace, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:15, closed)

No, I also think that's really quite fucking weird.
But then perhaps I'm just too protective/jealous when it comes to this sort of thing.

Made for an interesting read, though. paof2, it sounds like you did the right thing getting out of there in the end. Congratulations on your eventual successful spawning!
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:46, closed)

Thank you..
It was quite good, not only knowing my lads could get there, but that they had a buddy system in case of problems.
(paof2 Nude might not be rude, but rude could be nude..., Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:22, closed)

particularly..
when technically she wasn't my 'ex' at the time.
(paof2 Nude might not be rude, but rude could be nude..., Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:20, closed)