Charity Begins at Home
OK, I'm fully aware that I have posted this before on OT, but it holds up to retelling, even though it makes me look like the prize cunt in a cunt contest.

I had been living in Scotland for a bit, before I moved down to Leeds so this was around 4-5 years ago. I had got quite friendly with a nice lass and we had arranged to go out for a semi-date, just a bite to eat and a drink, to see if there was anything worth pursuing there.

We'd had a nice time, enjoying food and a nice bottle of red in one of Hawick's limited number of eateries, and we decided to carry on the evening at the next pub.

We strolled along Hawick's main street, regaling each other with tales of youthful misadventures and follies. At one point, she slipped her arm through mine. It was becoming a rather idyllic evening.

Then, without warning, my cunty streak came out to play. As we passed a charity shop, I paused and pointed with one indignant finger. To this day, I have no idea what posessed me to say what I said. Let's just say I can usually be relied on to say exactly the wrong thing in any given situation.

What I said was;

"See that charity shop there?"
"Yes?" was her apprehensive reply, obviously unsure where this could possibly be going.
"I passed there this afternoon, and they had a Down's Syndrome lass waving a tin outside it. Isn't that like the worst bit of emotional blackmail ever?"

Her eyes widened. Fear began to show, and her arm slipped from mine.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Getting a fucking spastic rattling a tin outside a charity shop!" I was in full rant now.
"Designed to tug on the heartstring, isn't it?"

She looked at me with undisguised, and completely understandable disdain.
"That charity shop there?" she motioned with an affronted jab of the chin.
"Yeah!" I said.

Then the bombshell.

"That was my sister."

It was said calmly enough, but I couldn't have been more taken aback if she'd carved it in stone and whacked me in the face with it.

My brain frantically tried to come up with a way out. Eventually, after a minute or so of me standing with my mouth open, looking, well, not unlike her sister it has to be said, I decided it was a lost caused and to back down or apologise would be hypocritical.

"Well, my point still stands!" I stood back, defiant; arms folded.

One smack round the face later, I walked to the next pub alone. Where I told this sorry tale, and was bought numerous ales for causing much mirth among my friends. Silver lining and all that....
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:49, 11 replies)

Ooof!
I can just see me doing that.

*cringes on your behalf*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:55, closed)

Ouch.
Nonetheless, I agree with you...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:01, closed)

Hmm.
Is there a reason the alternatively abled should be disallowed from soliciting charity?
(haberman is singing in the changes, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:00, closed)

In my neck of the woods...
they have jobs and live in pretty much the same was as non-alternatively abled people.

But then, this is Texas....where everyone is a bit 'special'.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 3:29, closed)

"Alternatively abled"?
I can't help but find phrases such as "alternatively abled" or "vertically challenged" etc anything other than massively condescending to the people they describe.
( greedyostrich Cheese is evil! Cheddar is VOODOO!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:12, closed)

Excellent...
Hilarity ensues.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:02, closed)

Brilliant!!!!

I remember this from before.

Fair play in sticking to your original point.
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:06, closed)

You poor bastard
but still, they wouldn't put someone in bed on a ventilator outside the British Heart Foundation shop, would they?

*clicks*
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:09, closed)

Actually
They probably would. It's the only place you can get an NHS bed nowadays...
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 3:23, closed)

*winces*
*cringes*

At least it wasn't a PDSA shop...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:24, closed)

Ouch ouch ouch...
...not as funny as some, but certainly MASSIVELY cringeworthy. This surely should make the "best of" page.
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:32, closed)