Two! Although looking at the subject of this QOTW that's nothing to be proud of :(
As i am still a mini-b3tan, i am studying for my GCSE's. As they are now rather close and, thanks to the wonders of b3ta i have done no work at all for the past few years this week has been spent studying German and writing filthy songs. Strangely this story involves the former:

Yesterday, a fine tuesday if there ever was one, i took a break from my labourious studies and went down to the local one stop to purchase some jaffacakes. Having chosen the 99 pence one-stop variety I went to the counter and excanged my shiny currency for the orange-and-chocolatey goods. "Danke schoon", I grinned merrily. My face dropped as I realised I had bought my jaffacakes in...
German.
Thats not the horrible faux pas though. I looked at the till-girl.


She was polish.

I should be banned from one-stop.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

And if thats not enough, the second forks pass of the day:

I was happily texting my rather lovely girlfriend, when i realised i needed some good solid advice from my older namesake (yes, my best friend does relly share my name!). the text went something like this:

"Hey mate, how are ya?
Dont wish to bother you
but after an intense
session of finger
related fun with Miss
Name I wondered if you
how to get the smell
of catholic vagina off
of your hands, as I use
public transport. "

sent to none other than the lovely Miss Name. Its a miracle We're still together.

Length isnt an issue. I have big hands.
( UseAName Because you cant get the bends if you muff dive., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 18:14, 6 replies)

Solution
Lemons. I examine nether regions (asses/vaginas/ penises) all day and the smell clings even through gloves.

Rub your hands with cut lemons.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 18:29, closed)

Not what i expected upon posting this...
but wow, Thanks! And congratulations on bagging such an awesome job!
( UseAName Because you cant get the bends if you muff dive., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 19:32, closed)

Ignore that
or your fingers will just smell like Scampi Fries. Revel in the aroma of your digits, it's the smell of Victory.(If it smells like Napalm, erm, FFS don't smoke) Trust me, when Lynx figure out how to get their scent to smell like minge (as opposed to Tramps' Arse, like they currently produce), they will be the No 1 manufacturer in the world.

Trust me also when I say that when you are not getting any, the merest whiff on the air of that delightful scent (fanny, not Lynx, bleeeurgh) will perk you up and make your day. Enjoy it while you can, there may be long periods in life where you yearn to have fingers that smell like a nunnery pisspot.

Only worry if your fingers smell like the shithouse door on a Grimsby trawler on a hot July afternoon.

No need for thanks,Glasshopper, really.
(Rsoles, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 19:41, closed)

Bottle it and sell it
a la www.smellmeand.com/index_2.html
(cheez is feeling ergophobic, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 20:28, closed)

O_O
(man_d is being watched by experts on, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 20:38, closed)

work
When i first started seeing Mrs Pieman manys the day when i was cheesed off at my really crappy job that i didn't want to be at. I was always cheered up by the smell of my fingers from the previous night. Happy days
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 9:03, closed)