Im pretty drunk but this just happened
I was at a pub (hence drunk) it was practically empty and I was the only female in the gaff.

Anyway Ive got IBS and today I needed the toilet in the 'bottom' way and decided that it would be a perfect time to go because no-one would ever know I am a lady doing a poo. (As far as Im aware people of the female persuasion hate using public toilets for this matter) Anyway no sooner had I started, a hen night (on a wednesday, why?) rolls in! Lucky me! I keep my cool in the cubicle and wait until they go and sort my good self out then leave and head straight to the bar as if nothing had happened.

'Some fucking lass is doing a shit!!!!!'

Oh well
(i should have joined myspace, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 23:29, 3 replies)

Girls don't poo
so I refuse to believe this is a true story.

Lady-poo is a myth.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 4 Dec 2008, 2:03, closed)

you're lucky
i'm suffering from a stomach bug and was caught short in the supermarket. having to abandon your trolley to go stink out their staff toilets was more than a little embarrassing, especially as they kept knocking and asking if i was okay :(
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 2:43, closed)

ive been with mrs spimf for 20 years this month
on that time she has never admitted to breaking wind

will not say the word 'fart' or tolerate it being said in her presence

i have never been in the bathroom while she has had a dump and vice versa

she even denied her bloody poodle ever broke wind

she may well have never had a crap in her life for all i know

except....

PEAROAST
floodlit shit part deux
just remembered another one

a few years back mrs spimf and i went camping in a lovely part of scotland. at the time she had a nancy looking little toy poodle - to be fair the little fucker was as hard as nails and would have the hand off you at any opportunity but he was according to mrs spimf 'her little prince'. He only ever ate grilled chicken breast, pan fried liver (with a little dash of red wine naturally) or chocolate. He would walk on paths to avoid wet grass and would NEVER step in a puddle. i was also told that his toilet habits were ‘impeccable’.

After a day or so enjoying the Scottish scenery at our little campsite mrs spimf announced she need to go to the loo (see the other mrs spimf tale of poo woe further down: floodlit shit). However being a girly girl she wanted me to drive half an hour or so to the nearest village so we could find a loo. Naturally I informed my dearest that she could shit behind a bush like any other normal person. After she calmed down and smoothed her feathers I handed her a bog roll.

She wasn’t happy.

Muttering threats she trudged off - presumably looking for a particularly floral bush.
She did however seem happier on her return though so the mood improved considerably – right up to the point she realised the dog was missing.

A quick inspection of the surrounding woods revealed ‘her little price’ behind a bush happily munching away on his beloved owners still warm shit.

It took longer for me to stop laughing than it took her to clean the dirty little fucker up.

‘impeccable’ toilet habits. Pfft!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 10:21, closed)