Body Popping for the Lord...
I apologise in advance for the lack of humour in this post.

I wasn't in a cult but I was in something that could well be seen as one. For my sins, I spent six years in the Evangelical church, the gods only know why. For those who are not aware of them, these are the kind of churches where there's lots of dancing, clapping and people falling over and body-popping on the floor. I've heard and seen some strange things, including people blowing raspberries and imitating farmyard animals because "the spirit led them to do it". I often wondered what would happen if anyone suffered a seizure or an epileptic fit during the service. A grand mal in the name of the Lord perhaps.

Still, I guess I didn't really see through the hypocrisy until I went to the front to get blessed (they call it an altar call) one day. The pastor slapped his hand on my head and attempted to push me over and into the arms of his assistants, who hovered behind me in anticipation. But it was his words that made me see red.

Pastor: ..and all those times that people said they didn't love you, Jesus did.
Me: Amen
Pastor: ..and all those times your friends said they didn't love you, Jesus did.
Me: Amen
Pastor: ..and all those times that your parents said that they didn't love you, Jesus did.

My eyes flicked open. There was definitely no serenity there.

Me: What the hell did you just say!?
Pastor: ..I...I...!

I was very angry. He'd just insulted my family.

Me: My parents never told me that they didn't love me you prick!

Actually, that bit was fun. It felt naughty but right, like the first time you swear in front of your family. I obviously said it a little louder than I should of because his assistants had backed off and a few other worshippers around me looked like their halos had been shaken a little. I glared at the man then spun on my heel and stormed off back to my seat. Not one person tried to apologise.

That was really the beginning of the end. From that point on I started unravelling the dogma that had kept me with these fools for so long. I left the church very shortly afterwards, not one of them asked me why. It's a shame as there are some very nice people in the church. These days I'm a pagan. It's a lot more sex, drugs and stone circles than what I was into before. Besides, polytheism is great with JW's. When they ask if you would like to talk about God, I ask them which one. :)

So the next time someone you know goes to a church and starts acting weird, remember that sometimes the only difference between a church and a cult is their size. Peace.
(Mr Evian, Tue 31 Jan 2006, 13:19, Reply)