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This is a question Join us... come join the cult

A friend of mine recently floored me with the admission that he'd spent several years in Eastern Europe with the Moonies. And he seemed so normal. Have you or your mates disappeared into a cult? Now that the brain-washing has worn off, tell us all about it.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2006, 17:46)
Pages: Popular, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

This question is now closed.

I too have Ran from the evil scientologists
On visiting a friend in birmingham and getting trashed for a couple of days straight we decided to have a stroll into the city centre. After being there for around 5 minutes we were approached by a lovely lady who asked to do a survey (sounds like a common ploy). She ushered us into a building (I thought this was a bit weired). The room was full of posters of famous scientologists ie. John travolta and a tape playing brainwashing nonesense. Needless to say as soon as she turned her back we made a sharp exit as our booze adled brains could not cope with the oddness of the situation. When we hit the street again there was another lady who tried to make us go back in...A close escape me thinks!!
(, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 12:13, Reply)
Occasionally I enjoy myself by stopping outside the scientology nutplace on Tottenham Court Road in That London and taunting their employees standing outside.

I like to point out that scientology was invented by L.Ron Hubbard following a bet he had with Theodore Sturgeon (this may or may not be true, I was told this by a Bloke In A Pub and we all know that everything they say is true. Anyway scientologists make shit up, why do I have to do the research either?)

One time I was a wee bit worse for wear and my comments came out a bit garbled so I ended up sounding like the culty nutter. "Your religion's a bet, har, har, *bet* you didn't know that!"

I like Theodore Sturgeons Law: 90% of everything is crap.
(, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 11:57, Reply)
brush with scientology
being young and innocent, one day my friend and i were suckered into taking a 'personality test' by these...people. their supercomputer ticker taped out some readings for each of us, we were then escorted separately to rooms far away in the depths of the building for the 'analyis'. the results, of course, indicated that we were not good people, we led bad lives and were on the path to certain destruction. this was really hammered home by all the shouting and swearing; very convincing and not desperate at all! the solution to all our problems was the teachings over overlord hubbard of course. pal and i came to our senses, simultaneously, had a good laugh in their psychotic faces and got the f*ck out of dodge. there's no other word for these people - INSANIA.
(, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 10:58, Reply)
I was brought up as a JW and have many memories of early childhood feeling bewildered as to why we were wandering up to random people's houses only to have the door slammed in our faces. Fortunately I didn't have to suffer through my teens as Dad saw the light, so to speak, but my older brothers weren't so lucky - they told me recently about how the world was supposed to end in 1975, so they spent every day for several years thinking they were going to die soon. Nice!
Though I have no recollection of it whatsoever, apparently to my immense shame as a 6-year-old I would harp on about the fact IIIII was going to live forever and ride tigers around, and everyone else would be rotting in their graves, suckas!
(, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 10:36, Reply)
I have to agree with Gleeballs
The world is a scary and hateful place. What's more worrying is that b3ta seems more and more to be the last refuge of normal people.

That's not right.
(, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 9:58, Reply)
smeg-head and FlatteredBaps
As a fully signed up member of the cult of limp-wrists and musicals appreciation I can tell you that a website called godhatesfags bothers me precisely fuck all. What does scare me (and I mean chills me to my very soul) is the group known as Isaiah 56 and their like.

These people, in the name of god, drive the streets of San Francisco and kidnap random 'fags' before taking them to secluded places and attempting to 'cast out the devil'. I'll leave it up to your imaginations to figure out precisely what horrific things that constitutes.

But smeg-head: only in the USA? Don't tempt the devil please. There are always people willing to vote BNP and their (only) slightly more presentable side the Tories. And I''m pretty sure I could walk down my street and half the people would be in favour of Isaiah 56. Its a terrifying world.
(, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 8:48, Reply)
dont suppose blue oysters have been mentioned?
(, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 1:26, Reply)
piss [email protected]!
having just moved into my halls, having jackanapes everywhere
(was quite messy as fun things are messy,
and you know youve had a good party when you have to mop the ceiling) with my housemates,
martin and ade
(they shall both be named for name and shame purposes) walking merrily to one pub not to far from our place of residence
(read squat while refusing to pay rent because you dont like the carpet colour) when we were accosted by three of the most loveliest of angels your eyes could ever imagine. and offered us free food.

as we were quite drunk we thought we had the better deal.
trouble is it turned out to be a jesus asslick signup place which worshipped he who shouldnt be named
(i'm a pagan with meist beliefs. i.e. self indulgent to the core :) )

needless to say i did share this information with my
housemates. what with the jesus rock blaring out nearly deafening me and filling me with dread at the same time.
ade however refused to leave till he got his free food.

i however ran the fuck away

BANG there goes my b3ta cherry. was it good for you?
(, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 0:43, Reply)
I just checked out that website...is it seriously for real?

also followed the link to godhatessweden.com. poor blonde scandinavians...what have they ever done?
(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 22:43, Reply)
Mad .... Bad ..... And Very Dangerous To Be With
You have got to check this site out


The only problem (and biggest worry) is they aren't joking, they believe its OK to spout this Sh*te and that 'God' loves them for it !

Could only happen in the USA (or islamic state)............. Bless them all!!
(fatwa pending)
(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 22:00, Reply)
Christian Youth groups
I can remeber when I was at school as a teenager a bunch of young (and coincidentaly beautiful) christians that were a couple of years older than us inviting us to their evening youth get togethers. They promised us that God and such wouldn't be discussed that it was just a place for everyone to meet and hang out. Fair enough we thought free food and drink and the opportunity to meet some cute girlies.

needless to say that after just 2 weeks we were all gathered together for a group "discussion".

I still remember my guffaws when one particularly hairbrained young lass suggested that people who didn't believe in god were afraid of dying.

Me: "So you believe in all earnesty that death can't be the end and that you'll go to heaven. But it's me the guy who thinks when you're dead you're dead and you decompose end of story that's the one who's afraid of dying?"

Her: "I can see that perhaps your heart is not open. Perhaps you ought not join us next week."

(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 20:26, Reply)
Quite a few years back when beans cost a tenner, a group of mates and I seemed to have our own little cult going. Basically, Monday to Wednesday.....bad....Thursday to Sunday, rejoice in all parties mad and good. For about a year, our group all dissappeared for days on end together, partying all over the country. Days were spent contemplating and rejoicing in natural creations whilst evenings were spent creating tinnitus and feelings good and unpure.

Oh what fun. The brainwashing may have worn off but I don't think the experience has left me....er....normal!

Happy days.
(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 18:38, Reply)
Ex-Jehovah's Witness Top Ten
I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness but left ‘the truth’ when I was sixteen. Fourteen years (of therapy) later I can now share with you my top ten favourite things about being an atheist.

Ten - Xmas and Birthday Presents.
It’s a bit fucking late though – now I’m old enough to have to buy them for other people as well.

Nine - The Devils Music
He really does have all the best tunes

Eight - Saturday Morning Telly
Can you imagine a childhood without Noel Edmonds and Chris Tarrant? Er…

Seven - Being Apostate
A kind of excommunication. It means JWs aren’t allowed to talk to you. Top Tip eh? See em run

Six - Eating Black Pudding
Folk always bleat on about the blood transfusion thing. But what about that tasty forbidden blood sausage people? What about the blood sausage?

Five - Anal
Wrong-love with a capital A

Four - Drugs
Need I explain?

Three - Metaphysical Peace of Mind
I rest easy knowing the fate of the universe does not hinge upon the contents of my fry-up

Two - Mental Privacy
Knowing I can wank-fantasize about anything without the fear that god is reading my mind

They don’t! Can you imagine banning something so unconditionally cool from childhood? It’s the equivalent of denying the existence of pirates, ninjas, lasers and gold all at once! I’ll never forgive the fucknuts.

Oh, and to all those pissed off by the Saturday morning pests I apologise with the condition that you spare a thought for any poor JW kids you encounter, who’ve no doubt been forced into suits and dragged to your doorstep. Secretly they’re all dreaming of dinosaurs.
(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 18:05, Reply)
Has anyone else noticed that the word cult is a little like the word cunt?

Funny that.
(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 17:37, Reply)
Wascally Weasel - yes, you're right about Amway. 2 of my friends got dragged into it. One of them saw through it pretty much straight away* but the other one stuck with it for a while, he was babbling on to me really frighteningly enthusiastically about how great it was, and it was weird to see a previously level-headed friend spouting this shite. After a couple of meetings though, he too realised that it was a load of shite, then kinda faded out from it

* He actually got his joining fee refunded from the people that joined him up, and Amway themselves, so he made a profit from them. Result!

Oh, and if anyone else makes the "cult sounds like cunt" joke I will shit litres and litres of dysenteric diarrhoea into their open mouths.
(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 16:52, Reply)
I shall not go on ranting because I will never stop.


(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 15:12, Reply)
for wangmaster
i like the idea, but surely cats are ten times more intelligent and a hundred times more independently minded than a JW?!

would a hosepipe be a big enough pistol?
(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 13:47, Reply)
It's not so much a test of our commitment, more that we realise that what we have signed ourselves up for is so out of touch with the world, and having their heads jammed up their own arses, is what makes us leave. Mine was more a gradual thing... it wasn't so much testing my commitment more so I realised I had lost what committment there was.
(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 13:36, Reply)
Its suprising the number of B3tans who have succumbed to relligions or cults...
And then revert back to their former states as soon as something tests their commitment.

I have little experience with cults, being unashamed to tell people politely that I am not interested, and that if they "won't take no for a answer" I point them to a dictionary.

A friend of mine has a sister with severe mental problems, and all the churches they went to for spiritual guidance all concluded that the parents had committed some grievous sin to anger God so. Yet they still went back to Catholicism

In my opinion all religions are inherently wrong, being human constructions and therefore fallible.

Catholics make a great example, with the belief that "whatsoever you shall create on Earth, shall be made so in Heaven" and that the Pope is God's vicar, yet is chosen by the cardinals who receive guidance from God. Yet they won't even accept miracles anymore unless they are independently witnessed and confirmed by two bishops. Nutters
(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 13:16, Reply)
Religion's a funny thing.
When does a cult become a cult and stop being a religion, by the way?


- Ex boyfriend was an Odinist. I think. And obsessed with Aleister Crowley and the Ordo Templi Orientis. And John Dee. Strange boy. Lived with his parents, aged 29 (there's a suprise).

- Ex boyfriend (obviously not the same one) was a Baptist, as was my drummer, and we used to practise in their church hall. Leading to me becoming almost part of the church, my mother thinking I was being slowly brainwashed* and all sorts of fun stuff- like the pastor telling her she 'will come to this church' with a strange glint in his eyes.

- Every bloody female goth or hippy (when I say goths I mean the ones who aren't 'satanists'). Blessed bloody be? Blessed be what? Blessed be tie dye? Blessed be the chunks of rock strung about your person to enhance your cosmic annoyance powers? Blessed be your *compass point* facing altar in your bedroom that you keep hidden from your parents and sometimes have to lean on to do your homework?


*- brainwashing. I don't remember this happening, really. All I remember is 'speaking in tongues' (not entirely sure I wasn't just pretending), lying on the floor a lot and singing worship songs at church. But my mother remembers me losing pretty much all emotions except (princess Diana voice) 'It's ok mother, i understand you will never realise the faith and love God has in you' etc etc etc. Oh, and I didn't get angry througout the months I attended, which is a miracle in itself.

Hmm. Religions are odd, and not to be trifled with unless you're entirely sure. And the baptists felt culty, or at least they do in hindsight.

I'd apologise for the length/girth, but God gives us gifts we must use as we see fit. My children. Now go and bathe the homeless men.
(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 12:31, Reply)
for rachelswipe:
Jehovah's Witnesses can be trained not to ring your doorbell much like cats can be trained to stay off the sofa. You do need a bigger water pistol though.
(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 12:28, Reply)
This is a guy I know through another message board.
We were discussing intelligent design versus evolution, and he claims to have firsthand experience of miracles. So I ask him what happened.

Him: Feeding of the five thousand? A couple of weeks ago, a friend from church experienced something extremely similar during a day's work as a chef.

Me: What, did it look like they were going to run out of fries, but someone found another box of them out back?

Him: Nope. They were down to their last loaf of bread, and he kept making toast, turned round, and they were still down to the same last loaf, kept making toast, turned round, and they were still down to the same last loaf etc.

Someone else: What aload of bollocks, if u belive that ill belive that I have spent the night ******* god up the ass.

Him: So, someone who I know from experience to be honest and trustworthy tells me that something happened, and yet it is automatically "a load of bollocks"? Right, I think this debate is becoming rather pointless and futile.

Me: Wait, someone at your church, who is "honest and trustworthy" told you about a miracle that happened to him personally, yet rivals the miracles performed by Jesus frickin' Christ the frickin' Son of God, and you believe him? What part of planet Gullible did you fall from? Are you in some kind of cult? Seriously, this is whacko stuff, you know, you are seriously telling us that you believe that God magically created a few more slices of bread so your mate didn't have to walk to the shops to get a new loaf? If so, then you really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really need a reality check. Really. Like, right now.


I'm not sure where this is going, but people believe some very, very weird stuff.
(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 11:59, Reply)
I don't know if these are a cult but this story is just plain nasty.

A good friend of mine was, for many years, a baptist minister.

He had a wife and three children. His three children died one by one of cystic fibrosis.

His superior in the church (and many in his congregation) actually asked him what he had "done wrong to offend god so much?"

He ceased to be a baptist minister after that.

What utter, utter cults.
(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 11:24, Reply)
jehovah's witnesses
this is just an excuse for a rant.

but i have the misfortune to live on the next street to the hammersmith kingdom hall.

every bloody saturday at 9am. we've long ago stopped answering the doorbell - i don't usually get in until 6am ffs - but it doesn't stop them. teetering old ladies; fit young black men; sober serious white men; bearded weirdos; androgynous freaks...


will somebody please please please shoot them?

to make it relevant, my mum's cousin was one... she died in labour together with her unborn child as her supposedly loving husband was a JW and wouldn't let her have a blood transfusion...
(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 11:01, Reply)
The only way out was In
Okay, for nigh-on 14 years I was forced to attend church by my mum then when I was 15 my mum finaly made a crittical mistake, she said that if got confirmed I could make my own mind up about going to church and she would respect my decision (foolish woman). Before I could be confirmed I had to attend a special after church club, the Icthis (spelling? lattin for fish) club and become all holy with the vicar (who was later caught having an affair and fleasing old ladies out of their wills).
I got a bit weird as the vicar (ex-catholic and I do wonder now the circumstances of his conversion to CofE) started with the hell fire and damnation trying to break the clubs collective wills, he nearly had one of the girls in tears at one point. Long story short I didn't care and as soon as I did my first communion I told my mum whilest still in the church I denounced my faith! Woot! Sunday morning lye-ins!!!

I'm now a happy Pagan, my mum is less happy but accepts because she knows I can out argue her on anypoint of the Bible thanks to the class she made me attend. Mwhahahaahh!
(, Wed 1 Feb 2006, 10:43, Reply)
A few degrees of separation,
but my friend's aunt drove the getaway car when Patty Hearst was kidnapped by the SLA
(, Tue 31 Jan 2006, 23:00, Reply)
True story, man
I was an honest to goodness member of a religious cult in my mid- to late-teens. They were like an ultra-extreme happy-clappy geetar'n'Jebus type fundamentalist group who discouraged association with undesirable non-believers (such as my parents, good Anglicans the pair of them) and demanded (through social Pavlovian manipulation and alienation) near fanatical loyalty and obedience to their ranks.

They focussed their "evangelism" on the emotionally and circumstantially vulnerable (to my shame - during "streetwork", they made me harrass some poor bugger whose wife had just died), they had me burn a load of rare vinyl (no Deicide or Satan-lovin', just US punk) and had a party to celebrate it. They convinced me to live in a "youth house" (run by the church) where even Dr Who repeats were considered inappropriate, and we weren't permitted phone calls without permission and payment, and I was encouraged to work for free for the church, rather than go get a degree and decent job like the "unchurched" and their earthly values. They also drove out demons in modern-day exorcisms, and had those services where people go all spazzy.

I made my escape in my early twenties, got a degree and - y'know - real jobs, and I've still got one of their Takamine guitars! Hah!
(, Tue 31 Jan 2006, 22:24, Reply)
handy hints
i) 'cult' shares three of its four letters, in the same position, as 'cunt'.

ii) 'The Cult' is the name of a band, which is similar to 'the cult', referring to a particular cult.

iii) If your horse is lying down and refusing to move, try flogging it harder.
(, Tue 31 Jan 2006, 20:51, Reply)
Yea, My mate disappeared into one..A HUGE FAT ONE TOO!
...oh you mean cult.
(, Tue 31 Jan 2006, 19:43, Reply)
Christian Cults
I seem to attract cults like flies. My more recent experience is that with Born Again Christianity- Hill Songs/AoG to be exact. I was snagged through the medium of a youth group, converted, and for a while was a fully paid up God Botherer. This lasted for about 5 years, between the ages of 15 and 20. First of all I left the church when I realised the pastor there was in fact a complete and total idiot, mainly because of his hate fuelled rants against, well anything that didn't fit with his world view, i.e. homosexuality (which never even bothered me as a Christian), certain TV shows... well anything your average b3tan wouldn't even care about, or some of us hold dear. So, I left that and stumbled on for a couple of years, and then one night I realised I was just playing at being a Christian. I was offering lip service to something which didn't ring true for a while. I then became deeply depressed (as anyone would when they take away a mental support system which they have relied on for years), but gradually realised I was better off out of it all.

The thing was though, it was there at a time when I needed something to support me, and I managed to find solace and managed to grow as a person, so in a way said cult did me a service, i.e. teaching me social skills, get me my first social circle (who were genuinely nice people, apart from the pastor), and that first sense of belonging which as a child I had craved more than anything. Now I realise I don't need to belong, and am quite happy in myself, but there are times when a person needs help. I still maintain a quasi-Christian moral system (i.e. being nice to people and not screwing them over), just taking God and his more choice bits out, like homosexuality etc. As my dear old Mum said, religion actually did me some good. So it's not all bad.
(, Tue 31 Jan 2006, 18:10, Reply)

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