serious backfire
i once had a cunning plan to seduce a bloke i rather fancied. it was party time at my parents' house and i knew this bloke had been invited. during the night, i had nabbed an empty lemonade bottle and poured into it bits of alcohol from various bottles and topped it up with cola.
here comes the cunning part.
he was a smoker and he didn't know the area so, while he wasn't looking, i hid his fags. noticing they were gone and knowing the shops were shut, he asked if anyone knew somewhere he could buy smokes. i volunteered to go with him to the nearest garage and took my bottle of "cocktail mix" with me.
i made sure i took him to a garage a mile away, giving us plenty of time to drink my little potion. we walked, we talked, we bought fags. we also sat off on the field on the way back for a smoke and to drink more.
sitting in the moonlight, my head suddenly started to spin. i looked over at blokey and he smiled at me. i smiled back, albeit somewhat greenly.
he leant in for a kiss. i puked on his shirt.
needless to say, he was a bit miffed and i never got a snog.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 17:23, 6 replies)

Hahahahaha
Nice.

A few years ago at 6am, I romantically fell on top of Mrs Vagabond, telling her "I's jus drunk borrel've Tesco Value Whisky wiv yor bruvver. I love you, g'night." and proceeded to fall asleep and dribble all over her arm.

After that, the lady was mine for the taking.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 18:09, closed)

you old smoothie!
:D
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 18:14, closed)

A real man would still have had a go.
Clearly a gay. Unless you're even uglier than people say.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 19:10, closed)

story of my life

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 19:53, closed)

awww
That's not very nice.
(Speshal, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 20:36, closed)

You stay classy Smash.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 5 Jul 2012, 20:47, closed)

always :D

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 20:52, closed)