Book Plan
I had a plan to write a story about a bloke who was caught doing some sort of crime and as punishment was put in complete isolation in a small stone-walled cell. All that’s in the cell is a big barrel of drinking water in one corner and a bucket in another for use as a makeshift toilet.

Once he is put in the cell the criminal is made to swallow the small key to his cell door and given a bag filled with bread, the door then slams shut and he’s left in the cell until he passes the key and can let himself out.

Eventually, after a lonely day or two of nothing but bread, water and sleeping on the cold floor he shits the key out into the bucket, which he then has to rummage through to retrieve the key.
As the keys details are clogged with shit, the criminal washes the key and his turd smeared hands in his barrel of drinking water and then goes to let himself out - only to find the key isn’t the correct one for the lock on the cell door.

The criminal then has to eat stale bread and drink his own shitty water until he is either let out or dies.

The problems with this story plan are as obvious as they are numerous.
( Dervel OTBC, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:30, 1 reply)

I can think of one way to get around this although you're stuck in a ghastly jail
1. Don't trust the Gaoler, assume this is some sort of mindgame
2. Move the bread, out of the bag to one corner, bucket to the opposite
3. Eat and wait, then shit out the key
4. Repeatedly wipe off poo from hands with an outside corner of the bread bag
5. Spit mouthfuls of water over hands and key into the bucket until clean
6. Tie a knot it the corner of the bag you used so the dirty bit is separated, more washing of hands by spitting it out
7. Repeat by washing the bag
8. Put bread back in bag
9. Try key, fail, ask for your phone call, then become someones bitch until you're grey haired & crying a lot
( SauronWibble I'll hold it, you lick it..., Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:13, closed)