Old Perv / Duck Serial Killer
Long time lurker, first time poster. Be gentle with me!

Back in my student days, I spent one of my summers back home working in that bastion of frozen excellence, Iceland.

As some of the pikier among you might know, Iceland also sell a few fresh products like bread, eggs and fruit.

Anyhow, our store in deepest darkest Lincolnshire was frequented by an old and extremely grotty old bloke who rode a mobility scooter. Every morning he would be waiting outside the store in his pork pie hat and dirty mac as we rolled up the shutters. The process was the same every morning; he'd drive himself into the store's entrance and shout until someone came to help him. Whoever came first, he always insisted on being served by the 16 y/o school leaver who would bring him five loaves of brown bread which he'd pay for in exact change which he produced from a large ladies purse with smaller purses inside for each denomination of coin. Once we'd loaded the five loaves into his basket, he's tootle off on his merry mobility scootered way. This happened every morning, seven days a week.

Okay, he's a perv and a weirdo.

Anyhow, the story gets stranger. One morning I was enduring a walk of shame after and all night houseparty just outside of town when I spotted said weirdo by the river. Ah, he feeds the ducks, I thought. But I was only half right. Suddenly he leapt out of his mobility scooter and began chasing the ducks up and down the bank, swinging two loaves of bagged bread like nunchuks in each hand. Once he'd cornered a duck he pelted the little blighter with the bagged loaves until it laid dead on the riverbank. Then he returned to his mobility scooter and began devouring the fifth loaf in great handfuls whilst laughing.

I called the police needless to say, and yes, he was in face a notorious paedo. I think the duck murdering was the last of the Police's concerns about him!

Apologies for length? Fuck it, I know you love it. I'm the new daddy round this board.
(KidIcarus, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 10:11, 3 replies)

*click*
"bastion of frozen excellence"

v. good.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 11:34, closed)

Poor duck
thats some way to go :(
(Eldoofus, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 23:03, closed)

That's horrible
I love ducks. I am actually crying at your story. Poor little thing.
( El Lazarus is calm now, Ish,, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 20:14, closed)