Ciderman
Another tale from morrisons, this time concerning the local alcoholic 'ciderman'. Ciderman was known from afar throughout the town for being a jolly outgoing sort of pisshead, who was harmless to the point of comedy.

I often saw him sleeping on the benches outside the store and conversing with the group of skateboarders who had made him their official pet/mascot.

The first time I had the pleasure of serving him at a till, he approached me like a crab. that is to say he walked sideways with a spry gait. He then deposited 10 bottle of Weston's organic cider on my till* and yelled "How you doing mate? yeah mate I'm all right? cheers mate, sorted!". I should note that I hadn't said anything at this point. "errm seven pounds fifty please" I nervously added

Ciderman grinned and pushed his fingers under the brim of his hat and without removing it pulled out a dirty, crumpled tenner. I gingerly took it and gave him his change. He them proceeded to push the coins back under his hat, again without removing it at any point. And with a hearty "cheers mate" he was on his way.

It showed alot about Morrisons customer/staff relations, that the politest customer was a homeless wino.

The next time I saw Ciderman he was preaching his message of shop tolerance to the masses. Walking through town on my lunch break I saw him towering over a terrified child of about seven. In what I assume what he believed to be a friendly manner of advice he was shouting at the boy while pointing at a nearby poundstretchers.

"you dont wanna go in there THEMS BASTARDS IN THERE, they fuggin' told me your too drunk. IM NOT TO DRUNK bastards!"

Meanwhile a few yards away the group of ska8er-Bois who had adopted him were pissing themselves laughing. One of them shouted to ciderman "leave him alone, your scaring the poor lad"

At this Ciderman jolts to attention and yells "ITS ALL RIGHT LADS, IM JUST 'SPLAINING TO HIM ABOUT PAHHHHNDSTRECHERS"

After I got back from lunch I spend most of my shift terrified that a bit of wee had escaped from laughing so hard.

*this is how posh Hertfordshire is, even the tramps eschew white lightening.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 13:43, 1 reply)

Posh tramps indeed!
Mind you 75p a bottle beats the £1.80 that Tesco wants...
( IHaveABadFeelingAboutThis most likely working from home on, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 15:07, closed)