Boomerangzzzz
Yes, there have been many cocksnappers divest themselves of what little intelligence they have right in front of me...too many to remember in one go...too painful.

Had a guy phone up the well know holiday firm i was working for and ask "what holidays have you got for free today mate", i explained that we don't, won't, and never had..."Oh, my mate said that sometimes you give'em away free if no one has booked them" i sent him on his crestfallen way. In fact that may well have been a good one for the gullibilty qotw

Same job, another woman phones up, on a very busy day, where every call is counted and you are bitch slapped if your conversion isn't met. She asks if she could buy a CD of the music we used when customers are on hold. :-/. She then admits to phoning up in the past, just to hear the music.....

Same job, a very quiet Monday night and this very softly spoken woman comes on and asks about good places to go by herself. She suggests Morocoo, i suggest not, but on she goes anyway, for fucking ages, on and on about previous holidays and the like...i don't mind, its quiet anyway, and she sounds like she wants my cock up her arse...this could have been close to the truth, as she eventually asks if i would like to join her ion the holiday, and that she would pay....I politely declined. That particular call was used in my monthly review and got me a hearty slap on the back.

Another time, we had an amazing offer on for Morocco again, funnily enough. This asian guy calls up and wants to book "40 or 50 people on it". Ok i think, big commission here.. So, i advise him to get all the names, and dates of birth of everyone travelling, and i would call him back the next night. I did. His wife answered and hangs up on me. I call again, lots of commission. She answers again and says i had better not phone again as she is sick of being pestered. I try and explain, but her accent is so thick and she is so fucking stupid, she just brays on in her foreign tongue before handing me to the irate husband, who on realising who i am and what i actually want, calms the fuck down. I can still hear his harpy of a wife screeching in the background. He then goes on to recite the list of people, over half of which have the same surname. All the while he is arguing with the harpy, and it is getting very confusing. I had to book 15 rooms with this going on......he phones back in a few weeks later to say that i have double booked various names, the supervisor listens to teh call, comes back ashen faced and shakes my hand. I done it all by the book and the stupid cunt was to blame for the double bookings...

Working in a tv/video/white goods style shop. We rented various appliances to the detritus who couldn't work out that actually buying the stuff worked out cheaper. This guy comes in and DEMANDS we give him more detergent for his washing machine, as "he rents the machine and therefore should be given the powder stuff along with the machine" - dizzy cunt was stinking of shit and probably had been eating teh powder, told him to go away, but only after he stood in silence for 10 minutes. TWAT

Then, to turn the tables, and I was the customer from hell. Living in Derby with a heavy Glaswegian accent had its advantages. I got into boomerangs, and had a few. One day i decided to upgrade and sped down to th elocal 'rang store. I grasped the wonderful laminated joy that was, 'Skyrider',
from the shelf. Ahhhhh, perfect weight, erotic curves, nice action. I wanted it, i wanted to hear it swoosh as soon as possible.

The surly chap at the counter didn't share my glee and took my money in silence and closed the till..no receipt, no thanks, no bag even. I asked for my receipt and he huffed and puffed and wanked the till until a receipt spunked out from its serrated urethra.

So i head to the park beside my house, but fuck, its a bit too windy for 'ranging...far too windy....so what do i do...head home and wait for the wind to abate...FUCK THAT.....i check out the park.....hmm, only 2 pram faced locals with a pram, but they are WAY over there, on the path, i mean, WAY over there. OK, i'm in the middle of the grass, lots and LOTS of space......

...The Skyrider leaves my hand with a confident swish, and immediately soars up vertically to a dizzying height, caught in the strong wind its normal parabola is increased 4 fold and now the pram faced chavs are within its remit.....and so, as if by magic, the Skyrider is magnetically attracted to the trio of unsuspecting targets. I can only stand in mute horror as it dives at a terrifying speed directly towards them, and i mean, directly.

I closed my eyes, and prayed and probably pee'd a bit too.

I open them up and look over, the pram faced munters are still talking and the babe in the pram still has all its limbs. I head towards were my mind predicted the 'rang would hit. They look confused as i head towards them, as i approach i see the Skyriderm, about 2 feet away from the pram. Its beautiful curved body cracked and stove in. I reach down for the thing and its then i realise that they didn't even see it approach or land...how lucky they were. I pick it up and head home......or do I.......do i fuck.

I head straight back to the shop, i am already convincing myself that this was NOT my fault and that the 'rang must have had a fault as such, nothing to do with me. I was unemployed and the outlay for the thing was all my spare cash for the week. It wasn't truly broken, its back was broke and needed a miracle, and no further craziness. So I arrive and the guy looks at me

"i want a refund for this item, i threw it once(true), it hit the grass and it now looks like this"

"you must have thrown it wrong, or it has hit concrete"

"nah mate, yer mistaken, i threw it correctly and it landed on grass, now be a good shopkeep and exchange this for a fresh one"

"erm no, you broke it pal"

"look, here is my receipt...."

"..i knew you would be back he said, you asked for that receipt, i knew you were up to something"

".....look mate, i only want an exchange, i done everything in the instructions and now it's bust, now please sort it out"

This goes on for well over 30 minutes, customers come and go, but i don't. I wore the poor cunt down, and he gave me a lesser model and let me keep the bust one. Yay. Until i get to my bike and see someone has stole my fucking saddle.


Instant Karma.

So fuck though, i do enjoy a good argument.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 14:45, 9 replies)

this confuses me
they have shops that just sell boomerangs?

also, are you on drugs?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 14:54, closed)

well
it sold kites, and juggling stuff as well.

And no, no drugs today, or that day even. But lots in between!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 14:57, closed)

I think it was the change in style midway through that confused me
it suddenly became a starry-eyed boomerang worship story....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 14:58, closed)

#wanked the till until a receipt spunked out from its serrated urethra. #
Phrase of the day there mate.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 5 Sep 2008, 15:00, closed)

yeah
s'pose, it's a quiet day and i did start get a bit dewey eyed as i thought about my lovely 'rang, and the keystrokes just spunked out and before i knew it...20 minutes had gone by.


Result!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 15:01, closed)

fair enough
and as the man said, there is literary gold in there!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 15:02, closed)

I had no idea
That anyone besides Paul Hogan even wanted to know how to use one.
(Nogin the Nog is the good one! Beware Nogbad the Bad!, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 15:42, closed)

had me laughing out loud
Once I realised boomerang was neither the name of a pub/bar nor a drink
(pins, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 22:34, closed)

I'm with bearpookie
That phrase is golden
( chart cat has an itch, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 9:33, closed)