Me.
I am a customer from hell - indeed, I'm fairly sure that I got some poor bloke sacked once.

Myself and my good drinking partner would on many a night go to one of the local chip shops after a night on the lash. We would then proceed to get as much as we possibly could do for free - there was one foreign bloke who was particularly susceptible to this. It started with small discounts: twenty p off or so, but got more and more outrageous. The last three occasions stand out most:

"Hello, can we have some of your finest and most delicious fried potato slices please!"
"That's £2.50"
"Can we have them free?"
"NO! I MUST CHARGE YOU! ONE PENNY!"
"Yay, we love you chip shop man!"

"Hello, can we have some of your finest and most delicious fried potato slices please! And how about a hug from your one armed manager?"
"That's £2.50 please"
*friend falls into bin*
"Ahah! I have no money, but I bought you this traffic cone!"
"I am sorry, you must pay"
*picks up lettuce from floor*
"And some delicious lettuce! You can have it for dinner!"
"Yes! That is fine! Enjoy chips!"
"Thankyou Mr ChipMan!"

"If we tell you a joke, can we have some free chips?"
"Errr, okay!"
"What has eight legs and makes women scream?"
"Err, I don't know"
*both shouting* "GANG RAPE!!!"
*hands over chips, looking scared*

Sadly we never saw him again. If you're reading this, sorry albanian chip man!
(Merrep, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 20:35, 5 replies)

you, sir...
are a cunt. and probably a chav
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 20:50, closed)

Chavs don't write like that!
They use less spaces and vowels!

I think that was a brilliant story, sir, keep it up
(SoneMe, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 22:40, closed)

Well done
Blagging is a valuable skill. I've lost my touch since leaving Uni...
( chart cat has an itch, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 16:46, closed)

One-armed chippy manager?
Wasn't Jane's in Durham was it?
(Milo Minderbinder, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 14:25, closed)

.
It very possibly might have been.
(Merrep, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 15:50, closed)