Voices
Back in the days when i used to work for the electricity board ( Used to be eastern electricity if you care) there were a few customers that stood out for one reason or another , this is one of them.

Every so often your electricity meter is required to be replaced by law . Electricity act 1992 if i recall correctly. This is a callibration issue , basically to make sure that the bloody thing is accurate and the bills are correct . This works both ways .

This particular RMC (routine meter change) was in the vibrant london suburb of Wembley oh joy.

Immagine the middle of summer , every fat bastard walking around in a string vest . That was Wembley this particular day.

I found a parking space down the particular road required near the two houses i had work orders for. Unloaded my toolbox and a new meter and set off up the road to the first house. To get there i had to walk past the second house on my list . I heard some voices and noted that bthe windows were open , so i thought " Good at least someone is home "

As sure as eggs are eggs nobody was in at the first address , so i went back to the second.

As i went past the windows i could hear a sort of deep demonic voice. They must be watching the Exorcist or something , I thought .
So i knocked on the door.
"WHOS THAT KNOCKING ON MY DOOR ???"





oh crap , its not a film


The door opens and a young , obviously stoned guy peers out.
" Um hi iv come to change your electricity meter"

" Thats cool mum said you would be comming around , its down there by the door"

So far its ok they know im due to turn the power off for a few minuties while the meter is changed. So i open my toolbox and get started .

About a minuite later i hear a voice behind me

" Hello there Im a pretty princess arent i beautiful . What are you doing?"

Turning around i expect to see a litle six year old girl. Instead what i saw was an aprox 20 year old woman. She must have been 7ft tall and just as wide wearing a duffel coat.

Oh fuck me.

Swigging from a can of cheap cider.

Shit shit shit.

Very obviously skitsofrenic , and pissed and possibly a bit stoned.

shit shit shit

Her brother was the one who had answered the door She had been the one doing the Brian Blessed impression.

Som i had to explain to a pissed up stoned skitsophrenic built like a tank why she couldnt watch the tellytubbies . Fantastic.

All thats standing between me and a possible snapped neck is her stoned brother.

This was possibly the fastest RMC ever done in the boards history . The whole time i was crouched down my fingertips were never more than an inch away from my favourite screwdriver just incase she suddenly snapped.

There is nothing scarier than the general public in their own homes especially when you have to go there on your own .
Trust me when i say that you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors in suburbia .
Talking to them on the phone or having them shout at you with a few securiy guards nearby?? Thats nothing . Wait untill your on the set of "A life of grime" then you will know about things.
(welgar, Sat 6 Sep 2008, 12:38, 5 replies)

its schizophrenic
just saying
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sat 6 Sep 2008, 14:26, closed)

...
too many volts to the brain mean im not too flash with the spelling at times. im trying to be pc in not calling them fucking physcos
(welgar, Sat 6 Sep 2008, 14:32, closed)

It's 'psychos'.
:P
( Bob Todd whee, Sat 6 Sep 2008, 15:42, closed)

I just call 'em nutters
myself
(Raelene, Sat 6 Sep 2008, 16:24, closed)

schizophrenics fact
about 1% of schizophrenics are violent.

one of my best friends is schizophrenic and I only found out after knowing him for four years. he's no more likely to kill me than before and I frequently sleep with him in the room (awake all night).

And he's one of the violent ones!
(Tyraen, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 22:07, closed)