Lord give me strength
Having worked in retail between the ages of 16 and 22, I've had my fair share of spacker customers.

A couple of the strangest/fairly irritating ones were when I worked for Sainsburys. We had to ask every customer if they needed a hand with their packing (yes, I know it's annoying when you've only got a sodding sandwich but we had to do it). One strange woman used to come in regularly and accept help, then spend about 5 minutes at the end of the checkout re packing everything. Now this would be understandable if the checkout monkey had packed it badly, but she did it no matter who she went to. Ok, so this isn't so bad. But one time she decided she was gonna re pack it, and put one item in every bag. Wtf?! Meanwhile I've got a queue of irate customers who I can't serve til the bint at the end has got out of the way.

One summer I was asked to work on 'produce' (fruit and veg to most of us) full time. The worst shift was Wednesday evenings, as I had to go round reducing everything that would soon be at it's 'sell-by' date. There was one woman in particular who would follow me round the department, waiting for me to reduce stuff. "Are you going to reduce this? No? How about this? How about this? This one isn't reduced enough. Can you knock more off for me?" Yes I can knock more off, not for you though love. Run along now.

Sometimes, it's the twatty staff that are the problem. A few months ago, I went shopping for some cushions (oh yea, cushions!) with my mum. When we got to the till, I said my usual "Hello!", because it's nice to be polite. However, the girl (teenage chav) was too busy talking to her mate about her boozy holiday to even look up, let alone say hello. I then realised I didn't have my store card, which you need to be able to shop there for some reason.

"No problem, you can use mine" says mum.

Only in true mother-fashion, she can't find her purse. I ask the girl if I can get a new one there, or whether I should go to customer services. She then lets out a sigh of epic proportions and says she SUPPOSES she can do me a 'day pass'. She then stomps off down to find them, then stomps back with a form.

"I CAN'T FIND MY PEN" she moans, to whom I don't know. She finds a pen and slams it down in front of me with the form.

"Fill this in." I start filling it in and she then says "Just put your card in here" pointing at the chip and pin machine. I'm getting a little fed up now so I say "I'll just finish filling this in first thanks". To which she sighs again and starts tapping her fingers on the side.

I finish the form and put my card in the machine, where it is declined. I panic, and turn to mum and say, "hang on that's not right". Mum offers to shout me the cash, then remembers her purse and starts asking me if I think it's been stolen, then the girl says "no it is right, LOOK, it says it right HERE, DECLINED."

I take my card out and realise it's expired. Bugger, I've forgotten my new one. So I say to the girl, "Sorry, I'll have to leave it." For some reason, she then says, "There's no need to be rude to me." WTF?!?!?! Seriously, I'm about to go apeshit. She's been nothing but rude to me and now she's lecturing ME on manners? Don't think so, bitch. I think I was very restrained to just say "Like you've just been to me throughout this entire transaction, you mean?" and walked out. Fucking bitchface cuntbag.

I think the customer from hell who really takes the biscuit wasn't one of my customers, but one who a girl I worked with once served. I don't know what happened, but it ended in the customer throwing a pasty at the girl. Rude, but pretty funny.

What? The girl was a cockmunch!

Sorry for length, I just get so fucked off!
( El Lazarus is calm now, Ish,, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 19:09, Reply)