Accidental revenge on a twunter punter.
It's a bit of an epic I'm afraid, but bear with me.

This tale comes from my time working for a large, nay, international hotel chain. Let's just say their name rhymes with "Stilton."
This paticular day was passing much like any other until that fateful moment I took "the call". Now some years have passed since that day but I believe it went something like this:

Me: Reservations, how can I help you?
Twunt: My name is Mr X from company Y. I need to book a room on our company rate on date Z.
Me: (checking availability) I'm sorry Mr X, but we are actually fully booked for that night.
Twunt: Oh, well what about an executive room then?
Me: As I said, we are fully booked for that particular night.
Twunt: Okay then, I'll have a suite.
Me: (rolling my eyes skywards) I'm sorry Mr X, but as I explained the hotel is completely full for that night. All of our rooms, suites and even our Presidential Suite have been booked for that night.
Twunt: But I work for Company X, we place several thousand room nights with your company each year, I demand that you book me a room.
Me: I really am very sorry sir, but unfortunately I simply do not have a room available to book on that date. You see there is an international rugby match on that date.
Twunt: Yes I know, that's why I'm coming.
Me: What I can do is place you on our waiting list should a room become available. However I'm afraid that you would not be able to use your company rate on that day, it would be at the hotel's full published rate.

At this point the twunt launches into a full blown hissy fit and starts screaming and yelling about how it wasn't good enough, did I know who he was (yes I did, he was a desk jockey coming for a jolly on a major event weekend trying to getting a company rate even though his visit had fcuk all to do with the company.) He carried on with how he could have my job for this, how the hotel was just ripping people off just because there was a major event on (it's called supply and demand you moron) etc etc etc.

When he had exhuasted his litany of "valid" complaints I resumed with:

Me: I'm sorry you feel that way sir, would you perhaps like me to transfer you to our central reservations office and they could check for availability in one of our other hotels in the vicinity?
Twunt: Well if that's all you are going to do for me I suppose so
Me:(Silly me, I forgot, I should have offered to personally go and build an extra room just for you twuntface) Certainly sir, no problem.

I dial the number and transfer the call before they answer - it's their problem now, thought I.

And that was that. Except it wasn't. The phone rang again a few moments later.

Me: Hello, reservations etc.
Twunt: Are you taking the fcuking piss?
Me: I beg your pardon sir.
Twunt:You said you were going to put me through to central reservations.
Me: ...err yes.
Twunt: Well you put me through to the fcuking Samaritans
Me: ...
Twunt: Are you there?
Me: Yes sir. I do apologise for that, I must have misdialled. Let me try again for you.

This time I dialled the number, made sure they answered and then put the call through.

After I'd done that I walked through what I'd done in my head, because I couldn't believe I would have done that. Nothing for it but to dial the number.....

Voice: Hello Samaritans.
Me: Er, sorry I think I have the wrong number.

To my dying day I will never forget the response...

Voice: Are you sure?

Felt like saying, "well now you come to mention it I've just had this phone call...."

In my defence it turns out that the Samaritans number and the number for our central reservations were remarkably similar, just a couple of digits different at the start. So if you were the poor bemused Samaritans volunteer who had to speak to the twunt I mistakenly put through to you, I humbly apologise. You people are amazing.

If you are the twunt who phoned me, well you are a twunt and I couldn't give a badger's nadge what you think.

Pop! Goes the cherry. And I thought it would be so special.
( thunderthunderthunderthundercats wonders how much a Thundercat Ho charges?, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 20:44, 2 replies)

And a very good first outing it was.

It was special for us, we love you and will actually call you in the morning.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sun 7 Sep 2008, 21:05, closed)

This was so good we might even make you breakfast!

(Killer Vanilla puts the win in Darwin, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 22:07, closed)