Self-cooking sausages
I used to work on the hot food counter of a large supermarket chain. On this counter we sell hot sausages.

It was early on the evening, between five and six o'clock, the store had quietened down, and we were getting ready to close for the night. From nowhere appeared a fat middle-aged woman:

"I bought these sausages earlier, and they're all burnt. They weren't burnt this morning. I want my money back."

As sausages cannot cook themselves, I assumed that they must have been burnt from the moment of purchase.

I'd like to point out here, that you can see the sausages in the counter when you buy them, so if they're too well cooked for your liking, you don't buy them. She showed me the sausages she had bought, and I thought, fair enough, they are on the overcooked side. Although why the hell she bought them when she must clearly have seen they were overcooked is beyond me. I apologised and offered to cook her some fresh ones. Off I went to fetch some fresh sausages but found to my dismay, that we had run out. I went back out to her and told her we had run out, and to take to the sausages to the customer service desk for a refund.

"A supermarket, as big as *insert big supermarket chain here* has RUN OUT of sausages. That's just not good enough, I DEMAND to see the manager."

I explained to her that the manager wouldn't be able to do anything other than give a refund, which I had already offered her, but she insisted on seeing him, obviously believing he possessed some sort of magic-sausage-appearing skills.

The manager came, and the woman moaned about these sausages being burnt, and how I'd been extremely rude to her:

"He was rude to me when I bought them first thing this morning as well."

To which I replied I didn't start work until mid-afternoon. She got her money back in the end, and hopefully contracted some sort of food poisoning from any and/or all sausages she ate in the future.
( FreudianSlap, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 0:13, 2 replies)

your name is Freudian Slap
and you use the term "Magic Sausage-Appearing Skills" in your post

pfffft :-)
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Mon 8 Sep 2008, 0:45, closed)

Y'see,
I've got magic-sausage-appearing-skills.

*drops pants*
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 1:26, closed)