clients
Plenty of posts here on business clients. Here's my take:

Client comes to us with a vague brief - so vague that you'd think it had arrived by spirit medium or astrologer: "I want you to write some copy for a website. It should have some tips. It should be chatty. We need it in ten minutes."

Copy duly produced. Naturally it's shit because of the timing and vagueness. The client is livid: "This isn't at all what I wanted. I could have done this better myself. THIS is what I want..." And there follows a piece of writing that could have come from a poorly-educated recent immigrant rather than a head of department.

So I have another go (noting that the ten minute deadline now seems to have changed to next week). This one is even worse: "No no! I didn't want tips as such; I wanted a guide. And can it be less chatty?"

Question: DO YOU ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT? OR ONLY WHAT YOU DON'T WANT?

So it's another try. This time the client likes what they see... but they just want to make a few changes of their own. Finally, what's printed is a misspelled piece of illiterate shite that will cost the client a couple of grand and have no effect at all.

And that'll be my fault.
(frankspencer, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 9:11, 2 replies)

*sighs*
I know this all to well Frank.
Just replace "copy" with "graphics".

"No, a pencil-sketch that looks like a retarded, limbless octopus isn't going to help."
*shakes head slowly*
( Cawl, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 10:12, closed)

Yep. *sighs too*
I deal with copy and layout.

• Decipher woeful brief and send client a PDF
• Client responds with 'a few changes'...

Can you add this new headline and make the font bigger?
No, not without changing the laws of nature to make that particular bit of paper bigger than the rest of the page. But OK, we'll mash everything else up on this perfectly balanced page so we can get your turgid cliche of a headline to fit.

Add a comma here, a semicolon here, make this lowercase, put an apostrophe in 'its', make that an intercap...
Add mistakes, you mean? Well, it's your copy.

Here's an image - can you make it fill the page?
Well, it's only 2x2in at 72dpi, so not really. But you've discovered that asking a second time magically changes everything - so yes, why not? Let's bung it in, eh?

• Three days, and 20 emails later, send another PDF for final sign-off; it had to be at the printer a day and a half ago.

That's great - but can we make a few changes...?
*Headdesk*
(5150, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 13:47, closed)