The 'talk'
My father is a rather socially inept being. It's not that he's shy, or unable to converse, it's just that he doesn't understand normal social interaction. For example, if his wife is having a garden party, you'll find him asleep in his hammock.

The point of me mentioning this is that when it came to the 'talk', that is, the fateful birds and the bees chat, I knew my Dad was going to fuck it up. I'm sure most Dad's are scared shitless of it anyway, but I knew my Dad would handle it about as tactfully as Gordon Ramsey doing a special with ortizms.

I approached the 'talk' therefore (which, incidentally, he put off until I was well past puberty, and well aware of all the technical goings on of 'the sex', even if I was woefully inexperienced) with a barely concealed smirk on my youthful features, expecting a right royal fatherly fuck up. It consisted of this:

'SigmaX0, sometimes, when a man gets very excited, he gets an erection, and this is called masturbation'

Fin.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:48, Reply)