My stepdad was an ex con
But after getting banned from a few countries he decided to tone down his felonies to the weird and petty... and of course tell his impressionable stepkids all his stories about them.

The funniest one was that there's a silo near us which has a christmas tree every year on the roof. Dad got drunk with his mates and dared to climb to the top (about 10 floors) and steal a light from it. He climbs up fine only to find that the tree is a lot bigger than it looks from the ground, and the fairy lights are actually painted lightbulbs.

Not to be deterred, he reaches out an unscrews one, realises in a drunken fuddle that it's burning his hands and puts it in his pocket. How he climbed up the outside of the tower in that state is beyond me. Anyway, after a while he realises that 1. His crotch is now in serious pain and 2. His hands are also hurting a lot. So he decides to take a nap. Lays down at the top of the silo and goes to sleep.

He wakes up at dawn, frozen and wondering why he has a lightbulb in his pocket and burns on his hands. He climbs down and goes home, and puts the lightbulb on the table. He can't remember who dared him to steal it in the first place, and no-one seems to want to own up, so he just kept it.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 1:31, Reply)