Dark, Hairy and Very Scary...
Jimbuktu's post here: clicketyclick! reminded me of something that happened to my mum back in the eighties...

~~~ Wavy Lines ~~~

Many years ago (1988-ish) I used to live in Gibraltar, Spain, as my dad was in the army. He was based at South Barracks and as a family, we were situated in some bungalows in front of the barracks, commonly known as 'South Barracks Sheds' due to the the buildings previous use as stables before their refurbishment into living quarters.

Anyway, being a bit of a tropical place, warm all year and all that - we were often witness to all kinds of natural wonders, such as the occasional visit from locusts which had been carried over from Morocco via winds from the Gibraltar straits. I even kept a couple as pets. These were big creatures too - some can grow up to several inches in length.

Amongst some of our other beasties we shared our habitat with, were cockroaches (these too were a bit bigger than your average bug you'd get here in blighty), the odd giant caterpillar and some cool woodlouse things that rolled up into tiny balls when touched.

Such natural delights were usually seldom seen, unless it rained (which was rare in Gibraltar unless it was winter, or a rare summer downpour..) - or more commonly, at night.

To get to the point of this story, we'd been living in 'Gib' for just over a year, I was a chirpy kid, life was great, and I have some great memories of this amazing place.

This memory, however, will stay with me forever..

It had been a very hot, sweaty day, average temperatures in Gibraltar were often in the 30s - even in winter, so let's just say it gets a bit sweaty..

I'd been put to bed (after all, I was only a kid..) mom n dad were tucked up too, and as they say, all was quiet in the house, nothing stirred, not even a mouse.

Well, almost..

The silence was shattered with a piercing scream, I jumped out of my bed, and ran to my mums bedroom door. The room was alive with what can only be described as sheer pandemonium. My old man was running round in his pants, mum was stood in the corner of the bedroom, blanket in hand, shaking like a wet dog, screaming "GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!"

"GET BACK TO BED - NOW!" was all I got from my rather hysterical father, being a kid and fearing a colossal hiding from my old man, I duly obliged.

The next morning, the house is back to normal as if nothing happened, dad's out doing his bit for queen and country at work, and mum's in the kitchen, and I'm sat watching telly in the front room, when something caught my eye on a bookshelf.

There, sat among pictures of the family, the odd ornament and some books was a catering sized glass Nescafe jar, it was full of what appeared to be cotton wool.

"Mum - what's that on the bookshelf? I enquired.."

"Keep that thing where it is, you dad wants to keep it, I dont know why, but keep it away from me." She said.

Apparently - this was the source of all the commotion the night before, turns out that my old dear, was happily snoozing away, and went to scratch an itch on her leg.

It was'nt an itch - it was one of these, and apparently the size of a small kitten..
Don't have nightmares...
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 12:59, 24 replies)

Just in case you don't know what it is..
It's a Spanish Funnel Web Spider, not deadly - although they do bite, and apparently it hurts like fuck - and these little beauties only leave the sanctuary of their burrows at night, mainly during mating season and are often found in houses, or as in this case, my parents bed.
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 13:05, closed)

Gibraltar, SPAIN?????
How dare you!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 13:09, closed)

lol..
Yeah I know, but I always get people saying..
"Where's Gibraltar.."
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 13:12, closed)

What about
"Gibraltar, that little rocky bit belonging to Britain that's stuck on the bottom end of Spain", or is that too long winded?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 13:31, closed)

That'll do.
^
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 13:39, closed)

Gibraltar
"The British boil on Spain's arse"
(bblgoose, Sun 26 Jul 2009, 16:28, closed)

If I was in a room with that fucker
I would literally be beating every woman and child to death and using their still-twitching bodies as a handy spidery obstacle course so I could get out first.

fuckineeeellll!!!
( SpankyHanky, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 13:56, closed)

Fuck that
I'm fairly sure I'd never sleep in a house again if I saw one of those in there.
(Eoghan, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 14:04, closed)

Cunt Me In The Fuck
Get that hairy arsed mothrafucker away from me.

Jesus, I thought I was over my phobia of spiders. I can understand why he would want to keep it but I'd be dousing it in diesel and setting it alight.
(kick_in_the_knackers If force isn't working you aren't using enough, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 14:08, closed)

Hah!
I'd have shit myself inside out if I found one of those in my bed... but I'm wierd enough to want to keep it as well.
(keyboardman, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 14:48, closed)

speaking of..
..giant bugs, I also found a massive green caterpillar (as mentioned briefly in my post) outside our front door. Kept it as a pet, didn't know anything about it and despite several trips to school with it to show the science teacher, we never found out what it was.

It eventually died, leaving me covered head to toe in huge blisters as a parting gift.

Methinks I will check the internets to see if I can find it - maybe it'll make for a future QOTW, you never know...
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 14:54, closed)

I don't believe this
'Cos I went to Gibraltar once and it pissed down with rain for the whole holiday.
(Mork, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 15:02, closed)

Unlucky.
Hope you took an umberella.
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 15:05, closed)

Well,
if you will go on holiday to Britain, what d'you expect?
(bblgoose, Sun 26 Jul 2009, 16:29, closed)

OMFG
*Shudders*
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 16:11, closed)

Why? Why did I click?
Doooooooo Noooooooot Waaaaaaaaaant.
( Maladicta, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 18:34, closed)

he looks nice
then again, i've had a pet tarantula
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 21:21, closed)

You bunch of jessies
My tarantula is bigger than that. And it can kick hairs at you.

Also I have scorpions the size of crayfish. But Mister Snips wouldn't hurt anyone.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 12:10, closed)

Mr Snips.
lol
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 14:32, closed)

haha I give pets unfortunate names.
There used to be Kellogs the Corn Snake too...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 23:28, closed)

lollage...
Kellogs the Corn Snake
Hahahaha..

There's a guy at work who has regular trading with purveyors of South American sherbert, he's got a dog called Charlie.

His girlfriend still has'nt twigged yet.
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Sun 26 Jul 2009, 11:56, closed)

The tarantula, I shit you not, is Ultimate DeathSpider 3000
Or Deathspider if we're being informal.

The other scorpion is Bastard, because he is. Or was.

And the other snake is Strangles. I was gonna call him Boston but apparently naming pets after serial killers is 'frowned upon'...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Sun 26 Jul 2009, 18:26, closed)

i had a tarantula called elvira
she was lovely. we also had a chicken called lenny henry
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 18:38, closed)

Fuck that
I knew what it was going to be before I clicked the link, well, sort of. So that's Spain crossed off my hols list this year then.
(Rsoles, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 14:17, closed)