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This is a question Darwin Awards

Bluffboy says: My mate cheated death and burned his eyebrows off looking down the barrel of a potato gun. Tell us about your brushes with the Grim Reaper through stupidity.

(, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 20:01)
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Car Sex
I remember sitting in the Golf with Marilyn. It was her car, I don't drive. I must've been twenty-one or twenty-two.

We'd been to see Jurassic Park, I'd taken her (well, she'd drive me) to Burger King. No expense spared. I'd even shelled out for a king size meal.

Now it was much later. It was a hot summer that year and we sat there, talking small talk, edging closer to each other.

After a while my hand moved to her thigh and her legs parted ever so slightly. She continued to talk about her degree course although I really wasn't listening.

We kissed. Marilyn's legs parted a little more and she put her hand on mine and guided me towards her hot wet area. Result!

Marilyn said: "I'm not on the pill." Shit! I didn't have any condoms, completely forgot! But she continued, smiling coyly: "You could just go down on me."

Well, that will do nicely, ma'm, I thought.

Moments later she was in the backseat, legs spread wide, kinckers pulled to one side. I was in the front seats still but had turned and forced myself down in the gap just above the gear box.

Then I got down to work. Things were going well. Marilyn was making lots of encouraging noises and her hands were stroking my head. I kept supping at the furry cup and Marilyn's moans became louder, more frantic. Her thighs closed round my ears and her hands clawed at my head.

And all the time all I could think was: Fuck me, this is uncomfortable! Sex and cars just does not fucking work.

But I perservered, like the trooper I am.

And after a few more uncomfortable moments which seemed to last forever, sucking on her beef lips, Marilyn started to cum. She started to moan and I swear the car moved.

Her thighs clamped my head tight and her fingernails dug into my scalp.

And then I started to suffocate. Oh, come on! I thought. I'm gonna cark it down here!

Then with a quivery "Ohhhh, Gaaawwwwddd!!!" Marilyn climaxed.

And as she did so, her thighs went limp and her arms spasmed and rammed my head down with a jolt, and the gear stick stabbed me in the abdomen while similtaniously my teeth hit the car floor.

Then we crashed...

Thankfully only into a fence (still showing the damage now years later; Sixfields car park in Northampton, if you're interested - there should be a little blue plaque with our names on it).

Turns out the earth had moved for Marilyn, and me for that matter. In my excitement, or should that be discomfort, I'd kicked the handbrake and we'd freewheeled fifty feet or so down the hill, building momentum, going faster and faster and then TWAT - as the Golf hit the fence I flew forward and thought for one horrific nanosecond my head was going to vanish up Marilyn's fuzzbox. Instead I just slammed into her really... very... fucking... hard...

Strangest thing for me was going to casualty in an ambulance stinking of pussy. That was just wrong.

Sex in cars...

Bad idea.

How the fuck we didn't end up with the angels I do not know.
(, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 0:44, 5 replies)
Simultaneously erotic and funny.

Like Up Pompeii. Only erotic. And funny.

(, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 15:54, closed)
"my head was going to vanish up Marilyn's fuzzbox"......
.... my tea just sprayed all over my keyboard. Very funny story. Click a roo to you sir.
(, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 16:01, closed)
Dear Christ....
I'm laughing, cringeing and juicing simultaneously and it feels wrong. Bonus clicks for a fuzzy story on St. Valentine's Day :o)
(, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 16:42, closed)
going to casualty stinking of pussy!

clickety click click
(, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 19:07, closed)
For a moment...
... I thought it was the ambulance that was fragrant. Which is just wrong.
(, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 22:32, closed)

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