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This is a question Darwin Awards

Bluffboy says: My mate cheated death and burned his eyebrows off looking down the barrel of a potato gun. Tell us about your brushes with the Grim Reaper through stupidity.

(, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 20:01)
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I'm surprised i'm not dead by now
When i was six my dad was mowing the lawn, and i decided i wanted to find out what electricity looked like, so i cut the lawnmower cable with a pair of secateurs luckily i was wearing wellies, and gloves and the secateurs had plastic handles.

When i was eight, my friends and i climbed a brilliant tree, one of those where the branches pretty much go round like steps, we had loads of fun then it was time to go home, and my mum came for me, she said for me to come down from the top, i asked whether she wanted me to come down the fast way or the slow way, and she foolishly chose the fast way, so i slid down the tree, and landed on my arse with a thump, i'm surprised i didn't get spinal compression from that.

And finally, aged 17, i'm at a kayak slalom with a boat that i can get into, but it's a tight fit. I come down the course, doing quite well, and there's a chute where there's another current coming across, i go down the chute and get capsized, i try and roll back up, but the current pushes me back down, shit.
I try and get out but i can't, my lungs start asking politely for air so i try and oblige and twist so that my mouth is as close to the surface as possible and try to hand roll so that i can get some air, i succeed, yay!
Now back to the task at hand, getting myself out of this fibreglass deathtrap, i get one leg out, somehow, and have to kick myself free, all the while im getting gasps of air from the hand rolls.
When i finally get out i have the presence of mind to hold onto the kayak that nearly drowned me, and the paddle that failed me, i swim to the bank very red faced, and in a slight state of shock.
The next day, i borrowed one of the group member's playboats and won the Div 4 J18 trophy.

Length? the cable was 20m, the tree was higher than the semi-detatched house, and the slalom kayak was 4m long, as for me? well, size doesn't matter, it's what you do with it that counts.
(, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 12:09, 3 replies)
Horrible feeling
I know how it feels to be wedged into a slalom boat (give me a placcy whitewater boat any day) and stuck upside down. I reckon if it hadn't been a team run with two others to get me out of the shit I'd have been a prime contender for a real life ResusciAnnie (or whatever that plastic bing was called) on the banks of the Tweed that day.
(, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 13:44, closed)
it was up at fernilee, which has a very tame course, i was just unlucky i guess.

after that i've always used my 4-twenty playboat, it may be slow, but i can almost fall out of it
(, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 13:58, closed)
Exact spot
My flip over spot was on the chute just below the bridge, which sounds like the same place as yours. I felt much happier stuck at the side of the course with a stopwatch and a clipboard. Who the hell invented these daft cramped boats anyway?

I'm old and past it now, so mainly paddle an open Canadian these days (it tips, you fall out, no problem!), though I have bought a long, thin, pointy boat to do the Avon Descent this year (but probably next as I'm so unfit at the moment).
(, Sun 15 Feb 2009, 4:26, closed)

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