b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Darwin Awards » Post 370297 | Search
This is a question Darwin Awards

Bluffboy says: My mate cheated death and burned his eyebrows off looking down the barrel of a potato gun. Tell us about your brushes with the Grim Reaper through stupidity.

(, Thu 12 Feb 2009, 20:01)
Pages: Latest, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, ... 1

« Go Back

[pearoast] My first cigarette
At the tender age of 11, I decided I wanted to try inhaling from teh white cylinders. I knew about some of the dangers and knew they were supposed to be addictive (even though I did not know what they were like). I wasn't curious about nicotine, and wasn't even thinking of doing it to show off to my mates. I think it was more the action of smoking than the smoking itself. But I was dead paranoid my parents would find out. I lived in a non-smoking household (so nothing to nick), buying them in a shop was out of the question, and I was afraid that if I used a cigarette vending-machine, someone would spot me.

Eventually, when I was nearly 13, I somehow managed to get hold of a cigarette and some matches. My parents often used to host dinner-parties and one of the guests left their ciggies behind. Taking one, I hid it in my school-bag to try later.

For some reason, I chose to smoke it in a remote part of my school grounds during the lunch break where I would be totally alone. Because I had hidden it in my school-bag, it was slightly crumpled, but even so, I stoically placed it in my pocket along with an equally crumpled nearly empty box of matches and went off to find the secluded spot to soil my lungs. Winter had stripped the trees and bushes of their leaves, so I had to go deeper into the wooded-area behind the science-wing to feel sufficiently alone.

Now I had been anticipating this moment for ages so was beginning to shake. "This is it! This is it!" I was thinking. With a crumpled cigarette in my mouth, my heart was beating faster and faster. I was nervous and excited at the same time, but my nerves were winning. I got a match out and tried to light it, but I was trembling so much that I was incapable of lighting it. "Light you bastard!" I kept thinking, but to no avail - I just couldn't light it. Ever try lighting a match when you're shaking all over? It's just not possible I tell you! Feeling slightly annoyed but more sheepish, I gave up and continued my lunch break.

It was the last time I attempted to try and didn't try again before I once and for all decided that I wanted to be a non-smoker (which was over a year later). And so, my lungs remain smoke-virgins to the present day. And that's how I narrowly avoided a slow and painful death at the hands of lung-cancer thanks to my own stupidity.

Won't apologise for length, will apologise for smugness.
(, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 1:28, 7 replies)
ever heard of passive smoking?
(, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 1:43, closed)
Lung cancer's a cunt.
It killed my mum a year ago on Saturday.
I still smoke 20 a day.

You win.
(, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 6:46, closed)

and the poor cunt never knew the delight of even one smoke.

no click for you
(, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:05, closed)
One smoke
isn't much of a delight, surely? It's more the sating of an addiction-lead desire that's the "nice" bit.

Or the social aspect- some of the best conversation (and, funnily enough, freshest air) I've found has been in smoking areas of office buildings / pubs.
(, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 9:24, closed)
A more appropriate username I have never seen.
(, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 0:17, closed)
I'm with you mate.
Never touched the things, which is why I'm so healthy. Not overweight and under exercised or anything.
(, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 9:05, closed)
On the subject of smoking...
(, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 0:37, closed)

« Go Back

Pages: Latest, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, ... 1