Red, red wine
Many moons ago I had a silly crush on a boy which, after a disastrous party where we kissed but at which I was whizzing my tits off and wearing a tight, red dress (I'm also male and did drag very, very rarely) he somehow wanted a date! With me!
I had finished work in my loca pub kitchen at 2. Date at 4. Dutch courage required I dodged lager (hadn't got the hang of it), gin (didn't want to be fucked on arrival) and so settled easily on red wine. A large red wine. I'm not used to drinking red wine but it's classy, no...? I had another before going to the large beer garden where we were to meet. I was early so ordered myself a large red wine. He was a smidge late and bought me a large red wine as mine was nearly gone. It's a sunny day.
It's a really sunny day.
He gets back with the drinks and he's funny, I'm funny, we've a connection. Half an hour flies by. I'm hot in all senses. We're now talking about our our childhoods etc. and he's finished his pint so I go and get him one and buy myself a largeredwine. I'm REALLY unused to drinking red wine and suddenly I've a tremendous amount of saliva about my mouth. Ho-hum.
I get back with the drinks and am holding it together when, at the very moment he mentions that he is an atheist, despite being raise a Roman Catholic, as the final 'c' in catholic is sounded I projectile vomit 2 bottles of Claret across the table. It missed him, but over a litre of hot burgundy fluid is rather difficult to style out. I've gone from being cute, witty, charming Garetha into some quasi-demonic Linda Blair cum Carrie at the mere mention of organised religion.
Length? Long enough for me to mutter 'yes, I'm fine to get home' through my spattered, purple face before he walked out of my life forever.
(garetha, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 9:17, 5 replies)

lol gay

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 10:52, closed)

Did you remember to drink an equal amount of white wine
And then chunder it across the previous deposit in order to remove the stain?
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 18:03, closed)

Lies on the internet
It's a well known fact that the only thing gays want to know about each other is -- Top, or bottom?
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Sun 7 Sep 2014, 14:41, closed)

Middle please Michael.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sun 7 Sep 2014, 19:03, closed)

replies to win

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 8:54, closed)