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This is a question Dates Gone Wrong

Ever gone on a date when "she" turned out to be a male university lecturer in his 50s who tucked his shirt into his Y-fronts? No, me neither. Tell us how it all went shit-faced.

(, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 13:13)
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In my days of singleness after my divorce I had a date. We met at her house as she thought I was 'up for it'.
All went well, dinner and then sexy fun times after. All was well, her daughter was away at her ex-husband's place, we made absolute pigs of ourselves as only middle-aged people with drink and drugs can*.
I was getting myself a mid-second-shag drink from the fridge, stark naked and fully tumescent when the front door opened. I hid behind the kitchen door as her daughter came in (she'd had an argument with her dad and come home in a taxi at 3 a:m) and ran crying to her mum.
There I was, in the kitchen, ready for yet another bout of very VERY rude sex, listening to the object of my 'affections' placating her distraught daughter - 'yes, he's a dick, yes it's OK you've come back, no there isn't anyone here' etc etc.
Once the daughter had gone to bed a loooong time later the object of my lust came downstairs with my clothes.
'You'll have to leave, don't make a noise'
'OK, I'll go but how the hell do I get my car away silently'?
'You'll have to push it far enough away so she doesn't hear you drive away'.
I got dressed and left. It's not easy to push an automatic Volvo. I did it though.
Never did get the second shag.

*Viagra and cocaine make a great combination.
(, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 22:54, 25 replies)
I like this,
you debauched bastard.
(, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 23:12, closed)
captain placid trawls the dark net for pthc

(, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 23:45, closed)
as does ghettoblaster yeti

(, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 23:47, closed)
why is it so hard to push automatic cars?
wonder if I'm damaging mine.

Also - probably harder to push them with a viagra/cocaine-induced stiffy, I imagine
(, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 0:30, closed)
I fucking love this, 'click'
Although boredom/friction set in after a couple or three hours.
(, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 1:03, closed)
Put it in neutral you dumb cunt!
En-clickened btw. ;]
(, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 8:13, closed)
Automatic cars are a bastard to push - even in neutral
Especially Volvos as they weigh somewhere between a Blue Whale and a small asteroid
(, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 8:35, closed)
Any *older model* steel bodied cars can be a pain.
I've had to try and jump-start a manual 81' FJ-40 Toyota Landcruiser with full bar work on the level. On my own.
Impetus and momentum are your friend.
(, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 9:25, closed)
Really? Do go on...

(, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 9:37, closed)
Fuck off to Topgear, you crushingly dull cunt.

(, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 10:00, closed)
tell us more about your stonewashed double denim ensemble

(, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 10:08, closed)
I like this. Wonder if the police can do you for 'drink pushing'?
Also, the inevitable 'captain placid likes pushing terrifically heavy cars' comment.
(, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 9:09, closed)
Shoehorned in a PTHC which was actually relevant to the story!
I salute you *doffs cap*
(, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 9:17, closed)
Never googled those initials but I do wonder whether 90% of the search results will now point back to this site.

(, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 9:22, closed)
I would suggest you don't - unless you'd like your IP address to be tagged

(, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 9:30, closed)
So you "pushed her automatic volvo", eh? Eh? I bet you did.

(, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 16:23, closed)
I don't get it
(, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 16:50, closed)

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