Just the one
I've posted about this before and I'm going to post about it again - well, not exactly about this, but the gist is the same.

The only body I've seen was my Dad's. Twice. And both times are embedded in my head and I see them occasionally as if they were yesterday - some times clearer than others.

He died very suddenly of a heart attack - he was 44. My priest took me and my sister to Grantham hospital to see him - I didn't want to go, but he made us. I went into the chapel of rest and saw him there, I can't remember seeing his face that time, but it was him. I don't remember crying. I don't remember much about it and it's something that makes me cold even now. I remember bits, but it was seeing him in his coffin that I remember.

He was in his coffin at the funeral home, I think, and I saw his face. It wasn't him - he wasn't my Dad any more. He was thin and empty and grey. Not the colourful, warm and full of life Dad I knew.

I won't go into the funeral, it's something I keep to myself. And my shrink, of course.

The worse thing about this was that my Aunt took a photo - I don't know why, but she did - she'd done it for my Mum, no idea why. She'd written a note on it saying "To help you remember what he looks like".

I can still see that photo in my mind's eye - I hate it, I wish I hadn't seen it. That body in the coffin was my Dad's, but it wasn't my Dad. He lives on in me and my son (who's middle name is my Dad's) - he lives in my memories and my heart and I miss him.

I miss him especially at this time of year as it would have been about 16 years ago when I was getting ready to go back to boarding school. And on Tuesday, it will be 16 years to the day that he had his heart attack and was taken from me.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 19:21, 1 reply)

That brought a tear to my eye
My dad's faults are many, smoking and drinking too much are just two of them. But I love him to bits, and I dread the day I get that phone call.

*clicks* (although I really wish it wasn't called "I like this")
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 19:52, closed)