Kissing a corpse
Driving back from our lunch-break my mate and I saw a man lying on the pavement surrounded by concerned onlookers, at his insistence I stopped to “help”.

An off-duty policeman promptly arrived and prepared to give CPR to the corpse that had apparently been lying there for about 20 minutes. He (the off-duty policeman, not the dead body) ordered my mate to do the 2 breaths bit (mouth to mouth) while he pounded the heart, my mate (no 1st aid training) gave one blow, got an earful of dead-mans snot then sat up and said “s**t, I’ve lost my chewing gum”.

The off-duty officer muttered “for f**ks sake”, under his breath then started shoving his hands down the dead mans throat, after a little while he emerged triumphantly with the gum and for some reason I’ll never quite fathom stuck it in my hand with an instruction to “here, you look after this carefully”.

On the way back to work I had to pull over twice so my mate could throw up because he could still taste the dead mans salty spit, I’ve still got the chewing gum.

Every time we drive past a dead body now my mate just says “just keep f**king driving”, although admittedly we haven’t driven past very many.
(Whippet, Fri 29 Feb 2008, 21:05, 2 replies)

There's a garage near me called DMS
Whatever it actually stands for I will forever know it as the Dead Mans Snot Garage. - A catchy title indeed.

Also I will never take my car there.

I think I'll name a cocktail after this post. The DMS, it will be hugely potent, definitely green and after you've had one, you'll never get better.

Have a click for good measure.
(Nobody Likes Mortal Wombat, Fri 29 Feb 2008, 21:44, closed)

quote of the fucking year
``Shit, I've lost my chewing gum.'' Wiping tears of laughter from my eyes as we speak.
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Sat 1 Mar 2008, 23:05, closed)