i'd have agreed with you
i don't watch films to have morals shoved down my throat
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 19:19, 2 replies)

Yeah. Morals. Fuckin' mushrooms...

That's why I don't watch much porn. I don't like to have a cock shoved down my throat. Being male, and candidate for "rugged heterosexual geek of the month" it should be no surprise that I'd rather be the shover than the shovee. It sure isn't to me, though it has been to the women in my life from time to time.
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 19:29, closed)

pfff
i don't watch porn because i find it to be quite silly
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 19:44, closed)

"But the women are naked..." © Tony, Men Behaving Badly.

I have to agree. Unless I'm needing a little, um, visual encouragement, to help me along. Not that I need it, I hasten to add. I once went for a wank-in-a-cup sperm test - far easier, quicker and less intrusive to test the male when you're having trouble inseminating the missus. The only, um, "extraction room" was occupied (and guarded by a lovely but rather strict nurse, coyly grinning at the cheesy 1970s porn music escaping through the door.)

So I found myself a lockable solo bathroom and went to work. On balance, carrying a copy of "Bay Area Parent" may have left a less than sterling impression with those who knew what I was doing. 5 minutes later and a warm cupful in a paper bag, I was ready to leave.

But wait. Why am I feeling a little unhappy? My medical insurance was quite expensive at the time, and I'd been looking forward to my time in the "special" room, where I'd imagined a little hatch would open, and into which I would insert myself. A few minutes of tugging and there would be a little Vietnamese lady, sperm at the corner of her mouth, saying "fang you - results in free days", before spitting in a cup and closing the hatch.

The truth was far more mundane. I jerked into a cup, pants round my ankles, inappropriate reading matter on the cistern. Hardly worth leaving home for.

Length. Just a few minutes, and still there were two off-putting rattles of the door handle.
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 20:05, closed)

still
at least you got to have a legitimate wank
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 15:28, closed)

Aren't they all legitimate?

Even the crafty ones on the old Bedford to Bletchley train (closed carriages and that oh-so-sexy rocking of the train...)
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 8:19, closed)

...

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 23 Sep 2010, 21:14, closed)

redex
EDIT: ah, now i see it
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 15:29, closed)