Ah, the drugs, the drugs.
Out for an evening on the piss, met up with an acquaintance's ex. Not a friend, mind you, an acquaintance, and an acquaintance who had gone seriously doolally at that.
Said ex was astonishingly good looking, and for some reason, as the beer and wine flowed, we hit it off.

I am pudgy, bespectacled, pock-faced web-developer, gentlemen, and these things do not happen to me. A few lagers in, she was on a rant about her ex and for some reason, something awoke within me.
"Want to get revenge?" I said, in perhaps the smoothest moment of caddery I have ever experienced in my life.
"Hell yes." says she. And off we toddle out of the club back to her palace for nooky.

Now as I'm walking, my head clears and the neuroses that had been in retreat for the only ten seconds of suave I have ever experienced suddenly came back with reinforcements.
"WTF are you doing?" they said. "You're drunk! You'll not get it up! She's too good for you! Girls like this don't go for you! There's got to be a catch! It's a trap! It's a trap! Fleeeeeeeeeeeee!"
"Silence, neuroses!" say I, mercifully internally. "I'm getting my end away and there's nothing you can do about it."
Unfortunately, there was.
We were lying in bed, in our underwear about to get jiggy with it and I'm extremely nervous, having never seen a naked woman this hot in three dimensions. And she can tell. "Would you like a spliff first?" she says, soothingly.
"Hell yes."

In summary:

Beer + Wine + Nerves + Weed = vomiting

On her breasts.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Tue 28 Sep 2010, 12:50, 11 replies)

OK, but
did you still get a shag?
(Smale is stuffed, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 12:53, closed)

No, Smale.
No I did not.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Tue 28 Sep 2010, 14:53, closed)

You.
Fucking.

DOLT.

That is all.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 12:53, closed)

Seconded
If I ever get a time machine, I'm going to give my nineteen-year-old-self such a slap.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Tue 28 Sep 2010, 12:55, closed)

always have the spliff afterwards you fool!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 13:06, closed)

i like breasts

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 13:20, closed)

pukie breasts even?

(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 13:40, closed)

There's something my old Ma used to say which is apt here:
If you vom when smoking doobies
Clean it up, lick her boobies
( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 13:56, closed)

haha
good reply!!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 13:59, closed)

Sage advice indeed.

(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Tue 28 Sep 2010, 14:19, closed)

Just as well your names not Seth Brundle!!
Anyway, good story. Puking on breasts is always going to get a giggle out of me *click*
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 13:23, closed)

Expertly Written
dear sir.
(Cogentesque, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 11:38, closed)