b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Desperate Times » Post 100400 | Search
This is a question Desperate Times

Stranded in a hotel in an African war zone with no internet access for two weeks, I was forced to resort to desperate measures. Possessing only my passport and the clothes I stood up in; and the warning "You can catch it shaking hands with a vicar out there" ringing in my ears, I had to draw my own porn in order to preserve my sanity.

Alas, it all came out looking like Coronation Street's Audrey Roberts, but, as they say, any port in a storm.

What have you done in times of great desperation?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 10:10)
Pages: Latest, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, ... 1

« Go Back

The Best Cat in Christendom
For about a year, I lived in a small one-room apartment alone, with only my dear cat as company.

One terrible, terrible week, I realized that my cupboards were almost totally bare, and I wasn't going to be paid for several days. Bad for me, of course, but even worse for poor Kitty, as we were out of cat food as well.

Now, I have one bad-ass cat. He's a stray that I adopted. He's stared down Irish wolfhounds, broken through window screens to beat on every other cat within miles, survived near-fatal asthma attacks, and plays fetch. He's also a big, rumbly-purring tom that wakes me up every morning by gently licking the tip of my nose, so I am rightfully soft about him, and the idea of having him go hungry was too much to bear.

Right. Off to scrounge the cupboards, then, for the both of us. One inventory later, and the entire contents of the kitchen were laid bare on the dinette:

* Vanilla extract
* Three cans of tinned pumpkin

And that was it. So, I did what I had to: I divided a can of squash into two bowls, set one on the table, one on the floor, and called my dear cat.

He walked up, gave it a sniff, and looked at me. "Sorry, mate", I said apologetically. "That's it for the both of us." With what I can only describe as a feline shrug, kitty dug in and ate it. Three days, and both I and my cast-iron cat ate nothing but canned pumpkin.

I bought him an especially fancy tin of cat food as soon as I got paid, and although we've both had slim times since then, I've been able to keep us in cat food.
(, Sun 18 Nov 2007, 5:16, 5 replies)
Full marks to your cat, mine would only touch fresh chicken
But couldn't he have just hunted a mouse or bird or something? He could have fetched you a nice, fat pigeon too.
(, Sun 18 Nov 2007, 9:43, closed)
Now that's a cat! Mine would have only gotten increasingly snarky and kept batting at my nose in the middle of the night to express her displeasure...
(, Sun 18 Nov 2007, 12:46, closed)
your cat
is a man's man. I approve whole-heartedly.
(, Sun 18 Nov 2007, 22:57, closed)
thank you
I'm going to use your story as an example to my own cat* who is having "issues" with her food at the moment and takes great pleasure in licking all the gravy off the nice meaty bits and then whinging that she's hungry. Bitch. Then if that doesn't work I'll feed her bowls of Bisto till it comes out of her ears, that'll teach her.

*whose current name is "Stroppy Ungrateful Smelly Little Cat-Wizard"

(disclaimer - not really, animal rights people!)
(, Mon 19 Nov 2007, 11:29, closed)

He's not allowed outside, for several reasons:

1) He loves to lie underneath cars. The day I had to give him THREE baths to get the motor oil out of his fur, he became an indoor cat.

2) I don't like paying the vet bills when he gets into fights. Abscessed cat bites are expensive to treat!

3) Last, but DEFINITELY not least: He has weird food allergies and can't eat anything grain-based. So, if he gets into garbage or some other cat's food, he stops breathing. We've found breathing to be rather important these days, so he's lost outdoor privileges.
(, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 5:06, closed)

« Go Back

Pages: Latest, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, ... 1