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This is a question Desperate Times

Stranded in a hotel in an African war zone with no internet access for two weeks, I was forced to resort to desperate measures. Possessing only my passport and the clothes I stood up in; and the warning "You can catch it shaking hands with a vicar out there" ringing in my ears, I had to draw my own porn in order to preserve my sanity.

Alas, it all came out looking like Coronation Street's Audrey Roberts, but, as they say, any port in a storm.

What have you done in times of great desperation?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 10:10)
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Just remembered this one.
Greece, 2000. It was Easter and the whole island was celebrating with al fresco sheep roasts. I'd been invited to a couple and fully intended to go. As I went into the bathroom for a quick piss, the handle fell off (typical Greek workmanship) and I was locked inside. One small problem - I was living in a village with only three houses and all the inhabitants were about 3 kilometres up the mountain having a roast. The window was perhaps a foot square, two floors up, and the room was so small that I wasn't able to lie down in it.

Nine hours I spent in that bathroom. I tried to take off the door by hoisting it up. I tried to unscrew was was left of the handle with a belt buckle. No joy. Shouting was a waste of time, and anyway not a very English thing to do: "Help I'm trapped in the crapper!" The Greek word for 'Help!' is 'Vo-ee-thea!' - which sounds stupid when shouted with rising frustration.

I think I strangled the chicken four times before someone came back to the house to get fags and let me out: a ranting, red-faced banshee. When it got out that I'd spent all of Easter half-crouched in a shower cubicle abusing myself, I never lived it down.
(, Mon 19 Nov 2007, 15:07, Reply)

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