Housemate! Homosexuality! Misogyny! Wallpaper!
At University I lived with a group of friends. One was Bob, a confused but exceptional artist with a lively range of mental issues. Racked by alcoholism and drug-confusion, Bob offered a lot of entertainment, tinged with concern.

One thing that will always stand out is the time he shit himself while we went for a walk, along with his horror after we all walked in on him fucking a moose in the bath, along with his constant animated conversation with his coat.

One of his defining characteristics was his confusion over his sexuality, and this wracked him terribly. He was both excited and ashamed of the fact he was, if not gay, certainly bi.

This actually came out (fnarr) in a number of ways, but he did have an appalling habit of being very self righteous. One weekend he objected to our porn collection. Neil, Ben and I had a few porn mags that were shared and shared about amongst us (the rule was don't get it sticky!) as we were desperate to empty our bollocks now and again.

Bob threw out our collection and launched into a lengthy monologue about how it exploited women and so on and so forth.

Naturally we disagreed and were desperate to annoy him in return, so when he went out in a strop we nipped to the shop and bought a colossal amount of bongo mags. The shopkeeper must have thought we were in a proper wank-frenzy!

However, we weren't. We painstakingly removed the staples, binned the covers and irrelevant pages, and began Project Piss Off Bob. The furniture was removed from the living room and every surface (walls, ceiling, floor, table, tv [except the screen], door) was covered by a pornographic image.

Bob got back home, and went berserk. He turned on his heel and left. We doubled up, helpless with laughter. Then got some beer and admired our decorations.

*Desperation comes in many forms!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 15 Nov 2007, 11:32, 4 replies)

One thing puzzles me...
Where did he get the moose? And how did it fit in the bath?

Those antlers must take up a lot of room!

*click*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 12:10, closed)

The tip of the antler got caught
in the tap.

The RSPCA had a blue fit!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 15 Nov 2007, 12:36, closed)

Rewind a second
I need to hear more about this moose. You haven't answered the question! Where did he get it? Was it an adult or a baby? Adult moose weigh half a tonne and are about 6ft at the shoulder!

Enquiring minds need to know.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 14:32, closed)

Exploited my arse.
A girl I went to uni with worked as a poledancer and earned more in a night than I could earn in a week scrubbing dishes. Of the two of us, it wasn't her being exploited.
(Musuko, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 19:13, closed)