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This is a question Desperate Times

Stranded in a hotel in an African war zone with no internet access for two weeks, I was forced to resort to desperate measures. Possessing only my passport and the clothes I stood up in; and the warning "You can catch it shaking hands with a vicar out there" ringing in my ears, I had to draw my own porn in order to preserve my sanity.

Alas, it all came out looking like Coronation Street's Audrey Roberts, but, as they say, any port in a storm.

What have you done in times of great desperation?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 10:10)
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Lula: The Sexy Empire...For the C64!
Not just me, but a bunch of my rather geeky mates.

The mid 90's was a time for controversy in the video games world. Mortal Kombat, Carmageddon and the original Grand Theft Auto all caused Manhunt 2 esque levels of outrage. However, another game kind of took myself and my 15 year old's hormones right by the short & curlies.

Lula: The Sexy Empire.

It was a PC game, where the purpose of the game was - as Lula's agent - build her into the world's greatest porn star. To begin with, you send her stripping in bars/blackmail people, and then shoot your own porno films, you choose the positions, you buy lighting, camera and girls. You even chose your storyline. But, despite all this, for us 15 year olds, it featured tits.

We knew, when we read about the game, we had to play it. Unfortunately, none of us were rich enough to afford a £1200 PC at the time.

So we hatched a plan.

We were all pretty decent programmers - except for Aled, he was good at English and had quite a dirty mouth on him and Ian, he had actually slept with a girl. So what we did was we took the best computer we had at the time - a Commodore 64 - and made an unofficial port of the game.

It was all there! The blackmail, the purchasing over goods, even the preciding over a porn shoot, which - whilst none of us were good at graphics or the Karma Sutra - didn't matter, as we had this on our screen:

Press the key for what you want for scene number.....3
2. 69
5. CUMSHOT (ends movie)"

Instead of being a mass orgy of cartoon sprites, it was bits and blocks roughly positioned in 2 animation frames to kind of looked like porn. If you squinted.

Sadly, Ian left us half way through production, as he had a girlfriend (he batted WAY above his average), so we had to make up sex positions and what they look like. Needless to say, if anybody asks for a "Drowing Spider" from their girlfriend, be afraid.

Now we're all a lot more respectible, and have actually got girlfriends and the like, we're in the process of porting it to the PC, so it's playable on C64 emulators. Click "I like this!" for us to work faster, you perverts.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 18:18, 1 reply)
lol, all that effort so some "Monochrome Masterbation"
Now I personally would've just sent the nerd down the newsagents for a jazz mag - infinately quicker process.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 18:39, closed)

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