Desperate TimesStranded in a hotel in an African war zone with no internet access for two weeks, I was forced to resort to desperate measures. Possessing only my passport and the clothes I stood up in; and the warning "You can catch it shaking hands with a vicar out there" ringing in my ears, I had to draw my own porn in order to preserve my sanity.
Alas, it all came out looking like Coronation Street's Audrey Roberts, but, as they say, any port in a storm.
What have you done in times of great desperation?
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 10:10)
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Pooing in a public toilet.One rule I have is no matter how desperate I am, I will NEVER poo in a public toilet, instead I'll hold it in until I get home. This day however this just wasn't possible.
I was hungover and shopping for a birthday card in the shitty shopping centre near me when I started getting horrible stomach cramps. There was no way out of this one, I had no choice but to clench desperately and shuffle towards the escalators to get to the toilets upstairs.
I made sure the bogs were empty and quickly ran into one of them. My plan was to get in, drop some friends off at the pool and quickly exit. After executing the first two parts of my plan I realised how badly it stunk and to my horror I heard the main door open.
Then I heard the voices. Old lady voices, talking about their grandchildren, zimmer frames and the usual bollocks those old bags talk about. I was screwed, there was more than one of them and only two toilets. The one I was in smelt like a slaughterhouse.
In my panic I did the only thing I could think of. I flushed, opened the door and ran out just as one of the old dears headed in. I was afraid to check the news for a week in case there was a story about an old lady dying of methane poisoning or vomiting herself to death.
I think I'll just go with my first instinct and shit myself next time.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 0:23, Reply)
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