Desperate TimesStranded in a hotel in an African war zone with no internet access for two weeks, I was forced to resort to desperate measures. Possessing only my passport and the clothes I stood up in; and the warning "You can catch it shaking hands with a vicar out there" ringing in my ears, I had to draw my own porn in order to preserve my sanity.
Alas, it all came out looking like Coronation Street's Audrey Roberts, but, as they say, any port in a storm.
What have you done in times of great desperation?
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 10:10)
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SquattingMany years ago I used to squat in a house that overlooked Highbury stadium. There were four of us who broke the squat but many more who took advantage of it. There were usually about 10 ne'er do wells sitting around getting fucked on whatever was being passed around at the time. One night, however, we didn't have any credible class A's to consume and were all desperate to alter out states in one way or another.
Now, how this squat came about was some old dear died and had no family left so there was just a vacant house with no one to take ownership of it. This old biddy must have been in quite a state before she died as when we first broke in we found, amongst other things, a prosthetic nose and a cammode. But best of all was the huge shopping bag full of perscription drugs.
I was only 18 at the time and whilst I had consumed my fair share of common or garden variety drugs, I knew little about the wonders of legal flavoured drugs. Or granny-friendly drugs as they came to be known.
One of the guys, dead now (in fact most of the people in the room that night are dead now) knew his benzobalkamakesyourfacegonumbchloride from his hydroxidewhysmydickgonegreyium and started sifting the wheat from the chaff.
"This one's shit, it makes your head feel likes it's going to explode for about a minute but makes your arse muscles restrict until you start shitting coal. This one's great, you feel like an elephants just fucked your nose but then you get a warm feeling in your legs as though you've just pissed yourself."
This guy knew his shit and soon had racked up monster lines of all the choicest cuts. Now, I'll be honest. I was a novice in this world compared to my brethren but I didn't want them to know this so I dived in and snorted up the poodles leg that had been presented to me.
Ow. Owowowoowowow. Oh my fucking god did that hurt. It felt like the doozers from fraggle rock had gone to work in my nose, constructing a new hypermall. And then it all went a little bit weird. I can't even begin to describe what was going on in my poor little brain. It was like the Cat in the Hat had Mr Benn in a headlock while the Chuckle Brothers played soggy biscuit with his hat. There was some weird shit going on.
The gathering soon disentegrated into matter, convulsing and writhing on the floor. Everyone was dealing with their own private hell until as one we banded together and kicked down one of the partition walls and threw it, piece by piece, out the window.
I miss my youth.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 2:05, 2 replies)
Heywhat the fuck's soggy biscuit?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 3:27, closed)
Soggy BiscuitIn this case, the Chuckle brothers would masturbate, and when they cum they do so on the biscuit. Last Chuckle Brother to cum eats the biscuit.
Glad you asked?
No, I've never played it.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 7:56, closed)
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