Thievery and pornographic playing cards

I was 14, in Spain, hot, horny and with the pulling power of Gary Glitter in an old folks home. Topless brown beauties ran in slow motion down the beach and burst out of the cool blue ocean flicking their hair back in a Timote arch. *hormones may have clouded my judgement*

I needed some relief and having spent much time in crappy tourist shops I decided a set adult playing of adult playing cards would quench my first for big bushed 80's pornography. My young mind could only wonder what the joker cards would portray.

Alas a stern upbringing left me crippled with fear at the thought of purchasing such illict material.

I was stuck, so full was my pouch I could only swim on my back as it floated on the surface of the ocean like a tropical coconut searching for a faraway shore to populate.

A plan formed in my head...I would steal them!! controversial I know, but after several scoping missions to buy more day to day items I decided the time was right.

I was in the shop with my Mum, sounds foolish, was actually genius. Her poor eyesight and spanish learnt exclusively from Eldorado ment she kept the shop keeper distracted as she tried explain that only bombay sapphire would do.

I knelt to tie my lace, the cards were just behind me, sweat pickled my brow as I slowly reached behind me. Japseye, I had hit pay dirt first time! I quick flick of the wrist and they were in my pocket!

And then we went to lunch... 2 and a half hours with 52 pictures of unspeakable debauchery in my pocket. The thoughts of theft and pr0n swam around my head and knotted my stomach into a ball of nervous exictment and fear.

Eventually I was allowed to depart, it's all I could do not to run from the restaurant. With the fear inside me I climbed a rocky hill and must have walked for half a mile before I a found a secluded spot to enjoy my ill gotten gains.

I pulled the pack out of my pocket, on the front was a poodle permed busty beauty staring straight back at me, dressed in a pink night dress. This is it I thought, finally some respite for my hormon addled frank and beans.

I eased the cards out of the pack, and behold the first card, a black haired lady in a bikini, then a red head in a evening dress, then a blonde under a sheet...

"Hmm" I thought perhaps they are buliding up to the real filth... but no. All my planning, all that stress and worry about getting caught was for nothing.

I had picked up the non-nude pack.

Dissapointment doesn't cover it.


Still had a shifty one though...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 17:29, 1 reply)

Ah, pornographic playing cards...
A friend of mine had a similar predilection for naughty packs of cards, to the point where he couldn't go on holiday anywhere without buying a new one. At some point in his twenties though, he suddenly decided that he had no more use for them, but, rather than disposing of them all in a traditional manner, he set about surreptitiously hiding them around other friends' houses. For the next 18 months we kept finding various "chicks with dicks" at the bottom of cereal packets, under sofa cushions, inside video boxes etc. Happy days.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 9:18, closed)