Lesbian DIY
Now I've nothing against lesbians, women, fruitbats or anything else - I'm one of those genuine 'live and let live' characters who tries to see the good in everyone...

Following on from this: www.b3ta.com/board/5847410

You'll be pleased to know that we're still here, two years on, and even nearly four years after moving into this particular property, we're still finding unique examples of how women in their mid-50's who suddenly 'found themselves, divorced and moved in their girlfriend' shouldn't be allowed to do any DIY.

- The freaky serial-killer-esk grafitti behind the wallpaper in the livingroom was enough (see repost).
- She put up a picture and managed to hammer a small nail into a central heating pipe. Two years later, it gave way after slowly rusting/seaping into the plaster of the wall. The insurance company rep was pissing himself when I explained who we bought the house from.
- Don't get me started on s*dding superglue or No-More-Nails. Everything in this house is held together with one or the other. The coat rack under the stairs was held in place by three thumbtacks and enough superglue to raise the Titanic.
- Why clean a kitchen, when you can simply lay a new layer of tiles on top of the old one... without cleaning the grease off first? (I suspect they did that before they tried to show the house, as tiles started sliding out of place just after we completed).
- Electrics? Don't bother calling a sparky - just get your 16 year old son to do it for you. I'm still trying to work out why they needed a socket in the downstairs toliet?
- Need to decorate your bedroom? Simply paint everything purple, then ragroll it!

I'm still dreading the abandoned septic tank in the garden - aparently she filled it full of rubble and 'stuff', but I'm still expecting to find one of her ex's down there when we build the extension.

Moral of the story - don't by a house from middle-aged lesbians with rainbow stickers in every bloody window.... and four years later, try not to say anything when you work out that the midwife delivering Son No.2 is... the partner and co-DIYer of said evil woman. Thankfully she did a better job during that delivery...
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Sat 5 Apr 2008, 2:00, 3 replies)

yeah, if you want tastefully decorated...
you have to buy from a gay man rather than a lesbian.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sat 5 Apr 2008, 2:04, closed)

Strangely enough...
...most of my gay friends thought the 1980s decor was 'amazingly trendy'.

Even the avacado bathroom suite and the pink tile combo.

Still, they all agreed that the fake 'aged oak beams' in the kitchen, made out of MDF that 'someone' had hacked at with a rusty saw to roughen them up was taking it abit far.
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Sat 5 Apr 2008, 2:09, closed)

We did a scaffolding job for a lesbian couple,
they were ace.
They insisted on watching the whole thing, and continually asked questions about the "pipes and brackets", ie, the tubing and clips.
We even invented a "pipes and brackets" song and dance, and premiered it to the Ramshill pub, and got bought much Becks for it.
Yay for lesbians.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Sat 5 Apr 2008, 7:56, closed)