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As a teenager I went to the Venice Carnival. I made a mask out of a paper plate, got a metal coathanger and bent it into horns around my head and draped a black tshirt over that. At the time I thought I looked really cool, but thinking it over...

Tell us about your own oh-so-cool fashion innovations.

(, Thu 24 Aug 2006, 14:24)
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Madonna in drunk nightclub shocker
My friend had a birthday party where everyone had to come dressed as pop stars. I went as Madonna, with a cone bra made out of cereal packets and everything.

My first mistake, however, was drinking absinth for the first time. It was quite a nice tipple, resulting in not only a pleasant and lingering burning sensation but also insane giggling and severe loss of coordination.

Arriving at the club in a very jolly mood, I decided I really needed to dance and, despite the fact that the Chemical Brothers were actually the track playing, felt I needed to 'stay in character' and started vogueing. This would've been OK in itself, had my level of inebriation not by that point reached epic proportions and my carefully crafted dance moves not turned into a mad windmill of arms that caused several people standing perilously close to me to be whacked in the face.

I got bored. I headed to the bar. I couldn't focus so just pointed and chucked some money at the barman. I think - and here's where my memory goes a little fuzzy - I ordered a Jack Daniels, Aftershock and bottle of WKD. These do not combine well.

There may be a gap here where I rested my eyes in the toilet for a minute or so.

Back in the club my friends are nowhere to be seen so I politely ask the DJ if I can put a call out to find them. He is very possessive of his microphone but I manage to yell out "Hellllooooo" before I am pushed away.

I dance on the podium. I fall off the podium.

A man comes up to me to ask if I am OK. He is wearing a black suit and bow tie. Millennium has just come out with its James Bond-esque video. "Nice Costume" say I "you'd look just like Robbie Williams if you weren't so flabby". He was not wearing a Robbie Williams costume, he was a bouncer. He was not amused. One of my cardboard cone bra cups was squashed as I was marched out of the club.

Puked on step of club and vogued home.

A good night out.
(, Wed 30 Aug 2006, 10:39, closed)

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