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This is a question Down on the Farm

Have you ever been chased from a field by a shotgun-wielding maniac? Ever removed city arseholes from your field whilst innocently carrying a shotgun? Tell us your farm stories.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 13:19)
Pages: Popular, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

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Jason & the muckspreader
My Father used to be a farmer and on his farm he had a chap called Jason. Jason was the nicest guy you could meet, public school educated, very well spoken, as big as they come and had that good natured demeanour that comes with the knowledge that he could crush your head were he so inclined. He would work the harvest and other times during slack periods at his Father's business and Jason could do pretty much any task on the farm.

We had a 200 head herd of fresian cows and cows in that number produce a phenomenal amount of shit, shit that is the best fertiliser for silage fields. One day Jason was tasked with muck spreading one of the fields about three miles away from the main farm buildings and merrily got on with his task, flinging high pressure liquid shit from his tractor pulled muck spreader until a hiccup occurred. The stream of faeces petered to a trickle, Jason pulled up and went round to the side of the machinery pulling out a broom handle wedged in the trailer for such purposes and robustly tried to dislodge the blockage.

As he thrust at the offending article he parried it aside releasing a gush of foul smelling bovine excrement from the still running machinery into his face and down his body. Poor Jason trudged the three miles back to get hosed off rather than beshit the tractor cab - I still remember the boom of his well spoken voice "Oh John, I've been a terrible twat!"
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 20:59, 3 replies)
Oh, that Jason, he's a bloody good chap.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 22:37, closed)
If he was clever
he could have simply trained the cows to do their toilet in the field with the silage, obviating the need to collect and spread it again.

I read somewhere cattle pass a lot of wind. I think it would be a neat idea to collect the gas in balloons. The farmer could use it to heat his house in winter and save a few quid.
(, Tue 29 May 2012, 16:08, closed)
or give them to his kids
as birthday treats
(, Tue 29 May 2012, 18:12, closed)

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