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This is a question Driven to Madness

Captain Placid asks: What annoying things do significant others, workmates and other people in general do that drive you up the wall? Do you want to kill your other half over their obsessive fridge magnet collection? Driven to distraction over your manager's continued use of Comic Sans (The Font of Champions)? Tell us.

(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:11)
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The Return of the Los Palmas 7
It was a Grey Day in NW5 and I had just waved My Girl off on the Night Boat to Cairo. She was The Sweetest Girl and frankly I was so Lovestruck it was an Embarrassment. One Better Day, I hoped she would make me The Prince to her princess but for today, I was one of Yesterday's Men.

It was early and going back was like riding The Ghost Train so for some company I gave my mate Jon a call. I thought he might understand how she was The Sun and the Rain to me because, that summer, the vicar had just got to the "I Pronounce You" when Jon's wife-to-be, Frederica, had a sudden Cardiac Arrest. "Shut up!" he said in his voice like Michael Cain "You won't be Forever Young and you won't get carried to happiness on the Wings of a Dove. What you need is a nice easy Girl. Why Don't You meet me in an hour."

"The House of Fun" proclaimed the sign, with the somewhat unsubtle strapline "The bigger they are The Harder they Come". "Sounds like my kind of Sugar and Spice" chimed up Jon (well, they didn't call him "Johnny the Horse" for nothing). Personally, I could hardly take One Step Beyond the boundary. I thought of the Shame & Scandal, but then I thought of Drip Fed Fred and what Jon was doing to her. "Tomorrow's Just Another Day, as my Uncle Sam used to say" piped up Jon. I stood there for a moment. Jon was obviously ready for action (hint: don't wear Baggy Trousers to a place like that) but I was frozen. I watched a little Dust Devil skitter past the peeling door, mesmerised. Then I ran. "Sorry!" was all I could say to Jon in that moment.

As I was Driving in My Car back to Our House, I thought to myself: "It's Madness. But It Must be Love".


I'm very very sorry.
(, Mon 8 Oct 2012, 15:53, closed)
So am I.
Can I have my 30 seconds back please? I've got the recipt.
(, Mon 8 Oct 2012, 15:59, closed)
Sorry - no refunds.
I can't afford it.
(, Mon 8 Oct 2012, 16:02, closed)
Very good :)
Though I should imagine this will be completely lost on younger b3tans
(, Mon 8 Oct 2012, 16:01, closed)
They're the lucky ones.

(, Mon 8 Oct 2012, 16:02, closed)
Well, I'm guessing that
most of us read the first line, then the last, and got the idea.

The other 15 unread lines were his punishment for even daring to do this.
(, Mon 8 Oct 2012, 16:12, closed)
I thought about putting a tl;dr line
only I couldn't think of anything constructive to say about it.
(, Mon 8 Oct 2012, 16:16, closed)
Waiter!

(, Mon 8 Oct 2012, 17:12, closed)
Good night.

(, Mon 8 Oct 2012, 17:17, closed)

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