Following on from FootOfTim's post about people who can't take no for an answer
When people ask (yes, when I'm playing guitar) 'Could you play XYZ for me'? and I reply' No, sorry don't know it' There are three probable replies from them:-
1/ 'Ah c'mon, you MUST know it, it's the best song that the clamfurgles (or whoever) did!'.
Really I don't know it!
2/ 'Ah c'mon, you MUST know it, it goes dum dah dah dum...' etc etc.
Nope, still don't know it!
3/ (Puppy eyes and trembling lip) 'Please, please, ah go on, please please please' ad nauseam.
I don't care how many time you say please, I still don't know it!

Listen up fuckwits I DON'T FUCKING KNOW IT, OK!! TAKE FUCKING NO FOR AN ANSWER.

Then there's the dim cunts who ask you to play their 'favourite song' while they sing it. If I know it I'll do it, happy to. However, 99 times out of a hundred they:-
A/ Don't know the song lyrics all the way through
B/ Have no idea what key to sing it in, so they use three or four.
C/ Can't carry a tune in a bucket
D/ Have no idea of tempo
or, the usual scenario
E/ A mixture of all the above.

I'm no great musician, I'm no great singer. But, if I ask someone to play something while I sing it, I at least have the common decency to KNOW the song I'm asking for.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 11:09, 7 replies)

There seems to be an unwritten rule...

That if you should happen to play more than 3 chords in a public place then everybody suddenly has the god-given right to abuse you as their own private jukebox.

...and if I hear "Go Ahhhhhn, play Wonderwall" one more time, there's going to be a serious guitar-to-arsehole-interface incident
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 10 Oct 2012, 11:47, closed)

Most of the above reasons are why I prefer to sit at the back and just hit things and make noise.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 11:51, closed)

Also the ones who go "Go on, let me have a go on it"
It cost well over £1500, like I'm going to give it to some pissed -up cock who thinks he can play a bit but shouldn't be trusted with the mouth organ from a Lidl Christmas cracker.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 15:23, closed)

^^ this^^
My reply to these bellends is usually 'OK, as long as you have a grand in cash as a deposit - remember, you break it, you bought it'
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 15:33, closed)

Spot on!
I remember once playing a gig in a busy pub...I made the mistake of going for a slash in the break. I came back to find a couple of pissed twats attempting to play the keys - whilst swaying back and forth.
I wouldn't mind...but I'm the guitarist and I used to play the keys on a few songs where two guitarists were not needed, but didn't really have the keyboard gear to back it up, so borrowed the stuff from my then bro-in-law - stuff to the tune of about 3 grand.
Three grand that I would have been liable for!
My guitar, I don't mind so much. Expensive though it is...if it's a real guitarist who appreciates it for what it is and would like a go, then I'm no so hard-lined ;-)
(dchurch bah, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 16:18, closed)

A friend of mine
owns a music shop featuring very expensive and rare guitars. Not long ago he closed it up and made it by appointment only after yet another child ran through the shop while his parent was ignoring him, tripped and put a snotty little fist through the front of a $3000 guitar.

He still steams about that when I see him.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 10 Oct 2012, 18:58, closed)

Skullfunk played in Kirby-in-Ashfield last year...
Everyone had told me to be careful, I thought it was going to be a proper spit-and-sawdust place. Instead, it was like Ikea, all laminated floor, trendy furniture, flat-screen TVs and wall-to-wall becapped chavs.

As we walked in I thought "Oh no, we're going to go down like a pork pie at a Jewish wedding here". Surprisingly, the gig went well, and we got a really good reception - for those of you who don't know us, we're most definitely rock/metal, with a funk groove... imagine Pantera playing the Shaft theme music. We don't do covers, at all. Whole set is our own stuff.

Anyway, we're going down reasonably well, and this old biker-looking guy approaches me, whilst sort-of-dancing. Some of the chav-looking dudes were still there too, and even they seemed to be enjoying it.

As we finished the song biker-guy comes right up to me and mutters in my ear "Do a Sex Pistols song". My protestations of "But we don't know any" are met with replies of "Do a Sex Pistols one" in ever more menacing tones.

We did the first two lines of Pretty Vacant, then went into our next song - he seemed happy :D
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 22:36, closed)