racing vibrator
not so much something that was bought, more something given as a consolation.

myself and some friends were in our local old man pub having a few drinks after a long day of snooker and booze. the toilets of the pub have a machine which sell racing vibrators. (i'm not sure what makes them race though). we'd bought one a few months before and had a fun evening dipping it in pints and giving each other buzzing wet willies (excuse the pun).

we thought, in our haze, that we should buy another one to relive those times. we clubbed together the fiver that was required and sent one of our number to the toilet to make the purchase. he returned a few minutes later, claiming that the machine had stole his money. he was prepared to let it go, but i for one wanted my money back. he went to speak to the landlord (nice fella, used to play for accrington stanley) and explained the situation, saying he wanted his money or his sexual toy. landlord made many jokes, and took him off to the toilet. we all pissed ourselves at the sounds of banging and swearing coming from the toilet as landlord tried to prise the machine open. out he came, no vibrator in hand.

as we were finishing our pints, landlord came over with our five pounds and a package that he claimed he bought for use at hen nights. inside the package was a 'Peter Sipper', a crude rubber penis with a straw for a urethra. it was apparently modelled on a porn star's tool, but it was a bit girthless. the journey home was made all the more interesting by hitting each other over the head with this cockstraw.

we went to a friend's house to show them our prize, and many photos were taken of our prize. i'm not sure what happened to it in the end though. last time i saw it, it was stuck in a milk bottle, posing as a very limp candle.

i wasn't sad that we tried to buy a vibrator, but only got a floppy strawcock, i just question why.

bit long? sorry
(no1_cheesecake, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 13:13, Reply)