A Grumpy Old Man, Wrong Numbers And A Very Social Daughter
Last summer my Dad had been getting wrong number phone calls for about a week on his mobile from an Irish lady trying to call her daughter. These calls were normally politely answered with a “sorry, you’ve still got the wrong number. Yes, again. Hahaha. Yes, no problem, bye”.

That was until we were at a barbecue with my wife around her parents in Berkshire. We had been eating and drinking in the garden all afternoon and well into the evening, which in itself was quite the feat for a man who drinks maybe twice a year, when his phone rang. Looking at the screen he realised it was the Irish lady with the wrong number again.
So this time he drunkenly decided he’d had enough and when the lady asked “is Laura there” my father replied “she is, but she can’t come to the phone as I’ve worn her out”. The rest of the family were sat looking at him in shock and confusion as he continued with “yes, we’d been going at it for several hours on the dining table and now she’s having a sleep”.

At this point the woman had hung up and we all started asking my Dad what that was all about and he shrugged and said he’s just had enough of her calling and that he reckoned that should stop it.

A few minutes later his phone rang again, only from a different number. Turned out it was Laura’s Dad, who was calling to find out who the hell had upset his wife and had been shagging his 17 year old daughter.

My Dad was indignant that he’d been called back, so he told the man that “they’d done it in every room in the house and that he wouldn’t be in the least bit surprised if she walked funny when she came home tomorrow”. After a fair bit of shouting and huffing on both sides the other Dad had hung up and we started quizzing our Dad on why he’d done that?

At which point his phone rang again, only this time it was a tearful Laura who had previously been having a lovely evening with friends at a party and now had to go home as her parents were furious with her and she understandably wanted to know who he was and why he would lie and say things like that to her parents.

At which point my Dad grumpily told her it was her Mums fault as she was clearly stupid or had sausages for fingers or both, until Laura hung up on him too.

The next morning, feeling suitably bad and embarrassed and chastised by my Mum, my Dad called the girls Mother up and apologised for the night before saying that when they were in bed asleep last night his son had come home from the pub drunk and had apparently picked up his phone and that he understood he may have caused some offense.

The lady thanked my Dad for calling but pointed out that his drunken son had caused some considerable distress. At which point my Dad passed me the phone “as the nice lady wanted an apology from me in person”.

Thanks Dad.
( Dervel OTBC, Fri 25 Feb 2011, 14:25, 11 replies)

you complete bastard, how could you do such a thing
lol
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Fri 25 Feb 2011, 14:51, closed)

This is brilliant
and should win!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Fri 25 Feb 2011, 14:54, closed)

Hmmm, dunno
I have written "at which point" about 4 hundred times.

Though I did just get a song played on Planet Rock by saying "it's my birthday and I'm a dying orphan. Honest". So I forgive myself.
( Dervel OTBC, Fri 25 Feb 2011, 15:35, closed)

^^^
Extra win for the orphan bit, surely?
( NotDavidBailey isn't all that sure that he is?, Fri 25 Feb 2011, 16:22, closed)

*click*

( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 25 Feb 2011, 14:56, closed)

Nice

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 25 Feb 2011, 14:59, closed)

HeHe!
Crafty bugger
( NotDavidBailey isn't all that sure that he is?, Fri 25 Feb 2011, 15:21, closed)

This is
full of win.
( Trollman, Fri 25 Feb 2011, 15:53, closed)

This is excellent! Great story.
"At which point" didn't harm it at all. I'd even give you an extra click for not using "cue" if I could.
( Scrumper, Fri 25 Feb 2011, 16:27, closed)

Two clicks
for not spelling it "que" or "queue".
(Shinigami, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 17:58, closed)

Top work from your dad
Seeing the whole thing through to the bitter end.

And then blaming you.
( the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 13:08, closed)