My mum and dad split up when I was about five
In the sense of "my mum left my dad because he was a useless semi-alcoholic" - sorry, Dad, but it's true. He had his good points - an excellent fisherman, a really good cook, introduced me to vast amounts of good music (from Pink Floyd and The Doors to The Orb), as well as books like "The Lord of the Rings" and "Shogun" - but domestic ties weren't his thing (man). Every time he got a bit tied down in one place, he'd up and leave. So after they split I rarely saw him - he worked here and there, in Scotland and England, coming and going.

At one point he lived in a nearby village, so my mum (feeling tired from raising the kids alone) packed me and my brother off to stay with him for a weekend. It was alright - we had a dinner of Mash and hamburgers, read books in the evening, went for a walk down the seafront on Saturday morning, and so on.

Come Saturday evening, Dad said he was going for a bath. We heard him running the bath as we sat on our bums right up next to the portable TV. Saturday evening TV was alright back then so we were glued to it like the typical 7/8 year olds we were. "You've Been Framed" and "Catchphrase" and all that.

Eventually I needed the toilet, and there's only one toilet, in the bathroom. I went to the bathroom door and said, "Dad, I need a pee!", as an 8 year old would. No answer. "Dad!" No answer. I went back to the living room and, all worried, asked my brother to come through. "Dad!" we both shouted. Anxiety was really gripping me. Maybe he'd fallen asleep in the bath, but maybe he'd drowned..! Maybe he'd... I didn't know what might have happened, but it was spooky and creepy him not answering.

"Try the door!" my brother said.

I didn't want to - it felt like crossing some taboo - but I was the older brother, so I tried the handle, and it obviously wasn't locked. So I opened the door - and there was a full bath, still steaming, and no Dad.

"Where'd he go?" my brother asked. I knew already. There was a pub in the square, just the other side of the road. After we plucked up enough courage to stick our heads in - the sign said it was 18 ONLY - we saw Dad there, standing at the bar, trying to make quick work of a pint of Tennants and a whisky.

He saw us, and knew he'd been caught. "Oh, alright boys?" he said. "I'll be back home in a while. Just go back and watch TV."

A few hours later, he came back.
(McChinaman banned, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 4:52, 7 replies)

"Could you top up the bath for me?"

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 6:10, closed)

Thats a sad story but you get a clicky
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 8:22, closed)

Quite right too.
Too many people have been trying to ruin this counselling and self-help group by posting silly stories about their parents doing daft stuff whilst in their cups.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:38, closed)

Those fucks.
Those fucking fucks.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:39, closed)

Only a 'semi-alcoholic', you say?

( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 8:22, closed)

Got a lob-on at the site of a bottle of gin.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 8:37, closed)

Hee Hee ...
Badger can't spell. Or is talking shite. Probably both.
(Que?, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 3:37, closed)