Superfast pope impression
When I was 10-11, my most prized possession was my Grifter bike, they were big bastards, and seemed near indestructible. It's one minor flaw was a dodgy high gear, that at a certain time would completely lose its effect on the rear wheel and the chain would go slack. I knew about this and steered clear of the high gear, except when trying to win a race.

So there I am in mid gear, leading the pack, weaving up and down the kerb stones, when in a foolish move I try to truly trounce my competition and go into high gear and also pedal standing. Basically I was aiming for my own land speed record.

After I'd gained a fairly hefty lead and the finish dustbin was in sight, I planned to execute a spectacular kerb corner to road leap.

Then, with my weight pushing on a downward turn the pedal goes slack, and I suddenly find myself plummeting towards the kerb, fast. The moment of impact is wiped from my memory, but the aftermath involved the oddest feeling of rushing liquid in my head, before a veritable fountain of blood began gushing everywhere from my nose.

The total cost: a broken nose, one missing tooth, a few wobbly ones, road rash across my face and up both arms, and many cuts and bruises elsewhere.

When I eventually got home, I was met by the standard mum response, "What the hell have you done to yourself this time ?"

Apologies for length, but the grifter was huge
(ShiftyBastard won the World Cup on World Soccer Champs 2010!, Fri 21 Dec 2007, 16:09, 2 replies)

I liked!
Brings back many memories of bicycle related childhood moments of near glory...

Trying to jump my £50 BMX on a ramp made of plywood and bricks which chose to fall apart like Jenga when my front wheel made contact is memorable.

Instead of making the coolest jump, I hit the tarmac like a sack of spuds and cried. Like a girl.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 21 Dec 2007, 16:20, closed)

Bike related exploits and caring mothers
I was recounting a similar tale to my sister recently. After a similar bike related faceplant and dragging myself and broken bike home for some sympathy and patching up, my sister reminded me that my mum's response was "Don't get any blood on the new carpet!"
(Blue_in_Exile, Fri 21 Dec 2007, 16:41, closed)