I dumped the crazy bitch about two weeks before Glastonbury, to which we were planning to go together
Fuck it, I thought, I'm going anyway. There'll be plenty of supportive friends in the group, so no reason to stay away. When I arrived, I discovered that another mate had been actually been dumped AT the festival - she waited until they'd pitched their tent, then broke up with him.

So, we went on the All Women Are Bastards tour, which basically meant caning as much as possible: no limits, no refusals. The other guy had intended to sell tequila shots from a harness-mounted optic, but we ended up drinking half and swapping the rest for drugs. I remember accosting a guy, demanding that he sell us acid, solely on the basis that he looked dutch. (He was, and he did.) After that it's all a bit vague.

Apparently I returned to the group camp site, and was asked by my ex's four-year-old daughter why I wasn't living with them any more. Thankfully I didn't say anything inappropriate (like how her mum was batshit mental and had basically been fucking everyone in Brighton EXCEPT me, for some months); in fact I'm told that I gave a sensitive, balanced and age-appropriate explanation of the situation, which satisfied the tot, gave a warm glow to my mates, and caused my ex to squirm in mortified embarrassment. Result!
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 16:30, 7 replies)

You satisfied a tot?
You're lucky you just got dumped, rather than getting your collar felt by the noncing squad.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 16:39, closed)

Excellent nonce-crowbarring there...
Mind you, I'd have had a good defence: "Your honour, I couldn't possibly have managed any kind of sexual behaviour, as I was so spangled on Vitamin Wibbly that it apparently took me 40 minutes to remove my boots, and I then entirely failed to notice the hot girl who had decided to share my tent."
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 16:53, closed)

Cuckold.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 18:03, closed)

There are a disturbing number of "men" on here who seem proud of being pathetic little pussywhipped cocktoys.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 18:06, closed)

Shh!
You'll frighten them off.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 19:58, closed)

Ah now. They're all Nice Guys who can't get girls because they all like assholes and they totally spent hours talking to her and should totally be reward with sex.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 20:38, closed)

Friendzoned again, bro?

(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Mon 7 Jan 2013, 15:20, closed)