Risk Management
Ah, yes, local government. The last resort before the loony bin for the otherwise unemployable. Whilst the vast majority of Council employees, are generally just boring, a bit dim, or both, there are a few who stand out as genuine, grade-A nutters. Weirdly, there seem to be more than a few in senior management positions, suggesting that long-term exposure to the lunacy rots your brain after a while.

Exhibit A: A "Risk Management" expert who I shall call Mike (for that was his name). Mike showed a little bit too much dedication to his job:

* His pride and joy was his 10-year old Jag. This man was quite seriously in love with his car. Every morning he would park it in the same space in the (public) car park next to the office, a spot that he had carefully calculated to have the maximum CCTV coverage. If anyone were to park next to him he'd get quite agitated ("You'll scratch it!"), and if anyone were to park in "his" spot, he'd go ballistic, even leaving notes on windscreens. Before entering his car, he would check all the way round, inspecting the paintwork, and even look under the car (maybe he was checking for bombs).

* Not since David Brent has there ever been so great a disconnection between a man's self-perception and what everybody thought of him. In a world of smart-casual wear (even amongst the directors, one of whom tended to dress like one of the binmen he was in charge of in some kind of subconscious act of solidarity), Mike would turn up to every meeting (an hour early, to get the best parking spot, preferably by a window so he could keep an eye on his Jag during the proceedings) in an impeccable (but stupid) pinstripe suit, red bow tie and neatly-coiffed hair - imagine David Dickinson with Stephen Fry's hairstyle circa Jeeves and Wooster and you get an idea of how laughable he looked.

* "Risk Management. It's not just an idea, it's a philosophy and a way of life." No shitting. This man was obsessed with it. Usually risk managers just do stuff with insurance and assessments for big projects, but not Mike, oh no. He spent his time wandering the corridors, haranguing people about risk management, trying to put it on every agenda, of every meeting, including the focus group for the staff magazine (wtf?). His greatest achievement was succeeding in getting every member of staff forced onto a mandatory whole-day Risk Management course, whether you were the head of IT or a dinnerlady.

When the Chief Executive didn't turn up (on the grounds that Mike was a nutter and the whole exercise was a blatant waste of time) he stormed into a private meeting between the CE and the Leader of the Council to berate them both for not taking Risk Management seriously. He was fired within 5 minutes.

Guess that's one risk he didn't manage very well.
(Axeman Jim, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 13:23, 2 replies)

YaY!
I heart Axeman Jim's tales-of-the-council

*gets popcorn*

*clicks*
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 13:48, closed)

more of this
please
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 31 Oct 2008, 13:51, closed)