A few years back,
I was stuck for money, so moved out of my nice flat in Balham to go and become a lodger while I re-financed.

I knew her through work, so thought it wouldn't be too bad. And, in fairness, despite very quickly finding out that she was rather desparetely lonely, once I'd set some boundaries, (No, I will not watch soap operas or be having dinner with you every evening. Or any evening actually) it wasn't too painful.

Until her batty old Mum set fire to her kitchen and had to move in with us.

Suddenly the place became an asylum, the kicthen became a tip, the washing machine was never empty for me to use, there were clothes everywhere, I couldn't cope.

I'd hear strange noises and screams in the night. I'd get woken up at 4am and find all the lights on and the back door open.

I eventually decided that I had sorted out my finances enough to move on when I came home from the pub at closing time one night and found the insane old woman standing at the kitchen sink

with her knickers round her ankles.

Washing her old lady bits.

With the sponge we used for dishes.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 3 Nov 2008, 10:54, 8 replies)

I would've moved out at 4am
and made sure everyone in the area/city knew what she did :)
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 3 Nov 2008, 11:04, closed)

I bet
he smelt the sponge
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 3 Nov 2008, 11:16, closed)

I could smell it
from the front door.

*wishes he hadn't said that*

*dry heaves*
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 3 Nov 2008, 11:29, closed)

Why didn't
you slip her one?
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Mon 3 Nov 2008, 14:29, closed)

are you a
bigamist? That sounds complicated.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Mon 3 Nov 2008, 12:21, closed)

OK,
That took me ages to realise what you meant.

Corrected now.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 3 Nov 2008, 13:20, closed)

Re-financed
or re-fianceed?
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Mon 3 Nov 2008, 16:16, closed)

...
i bet it looked like the Predator with a cold.
(Mr.Dog was in love again on, Tue 4 Nov 2008, 14:48, closed)